Page 119 of The Loathing

Fell for someone I shouldn’t have; we both knew we were never going to get our happily ever after, but a small part of me thought we stood a chance. I thought my father would have fixed this and I could be free to love who I wanted to. But now I am living with a man I despise and the man I love. My hand has been sold to Wolfe for marriage, my purity and heart is with Titus and now I have to live in this grey world just existing. Every ounce of colour I once saw so brightly has now turned into dullness. He painted my world in a way only I could see, shades of colours only visible to me. My once beautiful kaleidoscope was now nothing but black, whites and greys. He was my perfect medley before.

Before this.

Before I fell into a world with no colour. Before I fell into a world of nothing but emptiness.

But now I am breaking into a thousand tiny pieces, I’m a mess.

Everything I saw with him I can’t see with anybody else.

He has broken me but in the best possible way.

I am ruined.

Obliterated.

I will never feel pieced together without Titus. This new feeling of emptiness is something I have to get used to.

To never feel loved.

To never feel desired in a way Titus wanted me.

To never be craved.

My eyes close as I picture myself as the ocean, with each day that goes on, I break and crash into nothing against the one thing I want most in my life, but I’m never getting there. Instead, I retract back into the ocean, taking small pieces of the life I once had and sinking beneath the surface to live with nothing but darkness. My life on a loop. Never reaching the shore, never to feel the sand between my toes again. Our love crept up on me like a storm out at sea. Quick, strong and devastating all at the same time. We never really knew what was happening and when we did, it was ripped out from under us in an instant.

I should have never fallen for a man nearly twice my age who has a daughter a few years younger than me. But I did.

It was wrong. But we weren’t wrong for each other. You have no control who you fall in love with, and I happened to fall in love with my bodyguard.

He was forbidden and so was I.

But he was the storm in my calm ocean.

Reckoning and devastating but I craved him constantly.

We were never to work.

My mind drifts back to the ocean waves breaking against the sand and sinking back into never ending emptiness.

I’m the ocean.

Titus the sand.

The perfect match.

But never meant to be.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

TITUS

It had been a week.

One whole week.

One week since I kissed her, held her, inhaled her heavenly scent.

One week since everything completely changed for me.

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