Page 146 of The Loathing

“Dad…” her voice is softer now and I hate that she feels guilty.

“It’s fine Ari, look I’ve got to go… I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Bye dad, I love you.”

“Love you,” and I have to cut the phone off before my voice betrays me and she hears just how much I am hurting.

Tossing the phone onto the bed, I walk out the room to find Amora. I’ve already missed her too much today and I have five days left to soak every bit of her in before I am on a plane back home.

I wasn’t ready but I also know that I don’t have a choice.

This was the job.

Keep her safe, keep her protected.

And once the job was done, I fly back home.

The job was nearly done and whether I liked it or not, I had to go home.

Walking down the narrow hallways, I keep my ears out for anything that gives me a reason to get her out of this hell hole, but as predicted, the halls are deathly silent.

Pacing quietly, I pause when I round the corner of her studio. My mind flashes back to yesterday when she came out of the changing room wearing her dress. I felt the fire burning up inside my chest and causing my heart to disintegrate into nothing but ash. My eyes wouldn’t leave hers, even if I tried. Realization hit me like a damn truck when her eyes settled on mine, she was really doing this. This was really happening.

The one woman I have given myself to, the one woman who brought me back from the complete loneliness of darkness was the one who wasn’t mine to keep. I don’t know why, for some fucked up reason I thought something would change. I thought this whole plan would somehow collapse around us and I could take her away from it all. And then, like a miracle, she was pregnant. With my baby and even that is being snatched away from me and I have no say in it. Because she is right. Wolfe would never accept a child that wasn’t his, and I know that man well enough to know that he would make Amora’s life a living hell until the day either one of them dies. And that’s not fair on her.

As much as I want to be selfish about this, I can’t.

Ultimately it is her choice, and she has made it.

I take a moment to calm my nerves before I enter the room to see her standing there flicking black paint onto her already black canvas.

She stiffens as I walk towards her, but with each step, my heart gallops in my chest and I swear she can hear it.

“Twilight…” I breathe, having to stop myself from wrapping my arms around her waist and nuzzling my face into her hair just so I can be filled with her scent.

“Titus,” she whispers, and I know it’s because if she speaks out loud, her voice will crack showing me just how much this is hurting her too.

“Are you okay?” I know it’s a stupid question, but I still can’t stop myself from asking.

“Not particularly, but I will be… eventually.”

“You will,” I take a small step forward just as she turns to face me. Her perfectly imperfect eyes find mine and I feel the air leave my lungs in an instant, leaving me gasping for breath.

“This is really happening,” her glassy eyes find mine.

“Yes, Little Red…” I roll my lips, “this is really happening.”

“Five days.”

“Five days,” I nod, ignoring the splintering pain that is currently searing through my chest.

“I wish things could be different.”

“They will be, but just not in this lifetime. You’re my soulmate Amora, I truly believe that you are the missing piece to my soul, the one that has been waiting for me, but we are not meant to be together in this life. Our love would be too chaotic and messy for this one. But the next one…” I close the small gap between us, cupping her face in my hands.

“I will find you,” her bottom lip wobbles and a single tear rolls down her cheek, but I catch it with my thumb.

“I will find you first, Little Red, I promise. In the next life and the one after that… we will always find each other. Just not in this one,” I press my forehead to hers and that’s how we stand until both of us find the strength to walk away.

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