Page 116 of The Loathing

Wolfe has left me alone which I am grateful for, and Hunter hasn’t even breathed in my direction.

“Maybe add a little white… it won’t be as heavy.” I freeze; my heart jack hammering in my chest as I turn to see if my ears are deceiving me.

My eyes widen when I see Titus leant up against the door frame of my studio, wrapped in a light grey suit and a white crisp shirt which makes his crystal blue eyes shine like diamonds. I don’t miss the bruise that is sitting pretty round his eyes and spreads down to his cheek bone.

“Titus,” I choke, tears are streaming down my face as I run to him. I needed to be wrapped in his arms, my head on his chest so I could listen to see if his heart was racing as fast as mine then finally, feel his lips on mine. But none of that happens. He stops me. His fingers digging into the skin at the top of my arms and he shakes his head from side to side slowly, pulling his gaze from mine and my heart obliterates in my chest.

“We can’t,” he whispers, nudging me back slightly and I feel the air leave me as it is snatched from my lungs. “You’re not mine anymore, Twilight.”

“Don’t, please don’t do this… Titus,” my chin wobbles, my bottom lip trembling and I couldn’t even stop the tears if I wanted to.

“This was always the plan. I was hired to look after you, to protect you… that’s what I am doing. I will be by your side every step of the way until you’re married.” He pauses and I can hear the thickness in his voice; he doesn’t want this. “Then once you’re married and I know you’re okay… well, then I go back home to New York.” I watch as his throat bobs and I can see the emotion that is spreading across his face.

“Titus,” I whisper, reaching for his hand and our fingers just brush before he pulls them away.

“Please Amora…” he whispers back, “please let me do my job.” I hear the crack in his voice and the tears roll down my face. I can’t say anything else, so all I do is nod, over and over again.

“This just wasn’t our time, Little Red. Maybe in another life, but not this one,” and with those words said, he turned and walked out the studio and my legs buckle beneath me as I drop to the floor and sob silent tears.

* * *

TITUS

I watch her, sitting so subdued and sad and it destroys me. I don’t let her know I am here until I hear a sigh leave her, her head tilting slightly as she looks at the dark canvas she has painted.

My heart is ricocheting in my chest, blood pumps in my ears so loudly the sound is all I can hear.

“Maybe add a little white… it won’t be as heavy,” a small smile pulls at the corner of my lips but it’s all façade because I am slowly dying on the inside, my heart splintering at the thought of what I am about to do. I see her whole body stiffen at my voice and I know she wasn’t expecting it. She turns slowly, her eyes widening as they land on mine and I see the shock on her face. Her beautiful eyes roam over me and I see the relief swarm her, her shoulders visibly relaxing at the sight of me.

“Titus,” I hear how choked she is as she says my name while running towards me and I don’t miss the glisten of tears that are streaming down her cheeks, her arms reaching out for me when I have to stop her, my fingers pressing into the top of her arms. I ignore the burn that courses through me, ignore the way my heart begins galloping in my chest and the way my soul seeks hers out. But I have to stop her because if I hold her, I will never let her go and I’ll want to throw this whole stupid ass plan out the window. I shake my head from side to side.

“We can’t,” I whisper, gently pushing her back from me because she is too close, and I am finding it impossible to breathe even though it is so much harder when she isn’t next to me. I swallow down the burning lump in my throat and ignore the sting in my eyes from the tears that want to fall so desperately. “You’re not mine anymore, Twilight.”

I watch as the breath she inhales gets caught at the back of her throat.

“Don’t, please don’t do this… Titus,” her chin wobbles, her bottom lip trembles and that’s when I see the tears that begin to fall down her pretty face and I hate that I am the one who put them there.

Lie number one.

“This was always the plan. I was hired to look after you, to protect you… that’s what I am doing. I will be by your side every step of the way until you’re married.” I pause because honestly, this is too fucking much. I try and hide my emotions the best I can, but I can see by the look on her face she isn’t buying it. “Then once you’re married and I know you’re okay… well, then I go back home to New York.” My throat bobs as I try and swallow the apple sized lump that has formed in my throat.

“Titus,” she whispers because saying the words are too fucking painful. She reaches her hand forward, our fingertips brushing and I don’t miss the way her touch brings me to life but I quickly pull them away as if they’ve just burned me.

“Please Amora…” I whisper, “please let me do my job,” my voice cracks and I hate that I have done this to her.

She stays quiet, just nodding over and over.

Lie number two.

“This just wasn’t our time, Little Red. Maybe in another life, but not this one,” and my heart is fucking screaming at me, but I turn and walk away because if I stand in front of her any longer, I’ll crumble. And I can’t do that.

As soon as I am out of sight, I hear her cry.

Slipping my phone from my pocket, I type a message to Xavier.

Titus

I fucking hate you.

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