Page 107 of Doctor I Do

My body tenses. I’m not ready to parent either. But it’s happening.

It’s silent again, and all I can hear is the blood rushing to my ears. So much turmoil pulsing through me. “I thought you loved me?” I ask in a broken whisper.

“I do…” he says in an odd, yet gentle, tone.

“This is a funny way of showing it,” I mutter hastily.

His hurt eyes look around, as if he’s seeking answers. I wish he’d hug me. Hold me. But I shouldn’t have to ask for those things; he should want to comfort me. Fear is causing him to retreat. Withdraw in on himself.

“This wasn’t planned,” I say quietly, as tears fill my eyes, but I will not let them fall. Now is my time to be honest with him, even though my heart is splintering. I say the next words with as much conviction as possible. “I thought you’d be happy.”

He drops his head and doesn’t say anything, so anger seeps into my veins and replaces the sadness. I need to get out of here. But just as I’m about to move, he speaks, reaching out for me before pulling his hands back and tucking them deep inside his pockets. “I’m sorry. But I don’t know what to think or feel right now.”

I take slow, deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. “The first step would be to accept it,” I choke out in a broken voice, wrapping my arms around myself. “If you knew me, you’d know I didn’t want a kid right now. But look, it’s here, so it’s bad luck we both need to accept. No tricks, no nothing. It’s what happens when you have sex. We need to talk about it.”

His jaw ticks. “No. I can’t talk right now,” he says, before his mouth flattens into a thin line. He’s holding himself back. Not saying anything else. We glare at each other. Both hurt, scared, upset, and confused.

I wait for him to change his mind. But it never comes. The quiet only inflicts more pain on me.

As my breath catches in my lungs, I mumble, “I need to leave.” I turn and don’t look back. He remains silent.

I jog up the stairs and grab my case and begin to pack.

“For how long?” he asks, entering my room.

I flick my gaze up, noticing his pained eyes stay on mine. My bottom lip quivers as I feel my eyes brimming with tears. It won’t be long before I’m sobbing uncontrollably. I can’t do that here.

“I don’t know. What are you doing anyway? Get the fuck out and stop watching me.”

I can’t believe I swore at him. It’s so not me. I’ll blame the emotions of having my heart ripped out by the man I love.

He doesn’t move, watching me continue packing my clothes into the case. Then suddenly, he sighs and spins around, leaving me alone. His heavy feet disappear down the stairs, and the front door opens. When the door slams behind him, I can finally breathe.

Sadness hits me deep inside the chest. The despair rips me apart, as deep sobs rack my insides. I’m sucking in breaths, trying to pull myself together, but they fall harder. Burying my face in my hands, I let myself cry, until I have no more tears left.

And then I suck up in one last calming breath and wipe my face with both hands. Standing, I walk over to my clothes and finish packing. As I drive back to Maddison’s, I’m sad, angry and, of course, I stupidly miss him.

Chapter 37

Alex

Those two words “I’m pregnant” made something snap inside me. I can’t be a father. I’ve just accepted I’m worthy of a relationship. A father is just too much.

Fuck. I need a second to think.

To breathe.

When I came back home from a long drive, she was gone.

I pour a good three fingers of whiskey. Bringing it to the television, I take a big sip and sit on the sofa. The stupid sofa reminds me of all the times we laid here. Watching TV, talking, and hanging out. My eyes drift to my pool. My stomach hardens as I remember the time I hadn’t touched her yet, but the way her body looked submerged in the water naked…she made me hard.

Made me question things.

God, I wanted her so much.

Now I sit alone with my thoughts. I watched her pack her bags and said nothing to stop her. I let her go, even though it killed me.

I want to go one way, and my life pulls me in another.

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