Page 2 of Keeping Our Secrets

Maybe I would someday, but not now.

It was hard enough for her to lose a friend, but I didn’t want her to have the added guilt of being part of the reason he was there that night. Michael was so head over heels for her that he wouldn’t have wanted to leave her with that pain.

After the accident, I spent a week in the hospital, in and out of unconsciousness. The only thing I remembered were snippets of me asking for Michael. They refused to tell me what happened to him until I was out of the woods.

Michael was unresponsive when they removed him from the mangled wreckage that was our shared car.

They weren’t able to resuscitate him in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. For an entire month after the funeral, I didn’t leave the house. I could barely stomach any food, but when I couldn’t handle it anymore, that was the only reason I left his room.

I did all of my coursework for school online. The only reason I made it through this last year was because of Jen.

The only thing I wouldn’t admit to my mom or Jen was that most nights, I slept in Michael’s bedroom. My mom refused to go in there, which was just fine by me.

As close as I had been with my mom before everything happened, now we were just a couple of strangers passing in the hallway of our house. Halfway through my self-isolation stint, she had acted disinterested in me, and everything around her. She threw herself into work so much that I barely saw her and I threw myself into school. At least with all of my hard work, I would get to be the valedictorian of our class when I graduated.

* * *

“I’m late,” I told my best friend as she drove down the road from the mall.

After I had dragged my ass off the bathroom floor, I took the bus to the mall, where I wandered around until I got up the nerve to buy something I never thought I’d be buying while I was still in high school.

Jen took her eyes off the road and looked at me funny. “Are you grounded or something? It’s only five o’clock. Your curfew is eleven. Do you want me to speed up? I’m already going ten over the limit.”

“I don’t want you to go any faster, you speed demon.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not grounded, and mom didn’t change my curfew yet. I’m late, late, if you know what I mean.” I took a deep breath. “So you know, she might just change it to some time after never when she finds out why I needed this excursion.”

She took her eyes off the road again. “You’re preggers?”

The car swerved, so I instinctively reached for the wheel.

“I got it,” she told me.

“You know how I am.”

The only reason I was riding in her car was because after what happened to my brother, mom didn’t want me to drive anymore. After what we both went through this past year, I didn’t blame her. She probably wouldn’t have wanted me driving with Jen either if she knew how bad she was when she was behind the wheel. She had a tendency to take her eyes off the road and gesture with her hands when she talked. With her, both had the possibility of ending up in a ditch.

“Sorry,” she responded. “I shouldn’t be so insensitive.” She eased her foot off the accelerator and allowed the vehicle to slow down closer to the speed limit. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I sighed. “It’s the only explanation I can come up with.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re just worried about finals and graduation. Studies have shown that stress can cause you to miss or be late.”

“I’ve never been late.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“That there is,” I responded.

“Is that why you wanted me to pick you up at the drugstore?”

“Mom is out on another date with James, and I didn’t want to risk her seeing the box.”

“Where do you have it stashed? I didn’t even see it.”

I reached into the inside pocket of my jacket and pulled out the package.

“Is that one of those early ones?” she asked.

“I don’t think I need an early one. Easter was a couple months ago.”

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