Page 9 of Calculated Chaos

As if this night couldn’t get any weirder, I find out that not only did Axel arrange for me to attend a sex club, he picked a gay one to boot. He’s a dead man when we get out of here.

“We, uh, we didn’t know that, Blaze,” Axel says, stumbling over his words.

“How?” Blaze asks. “A club for gentlemen with discerning tastes?”

“That could be, um, for straight men too.”

“You didn’t read the disclosures?”

“I did. It talked about consent and safe sex practices and confidentially. It never once said it was for men only.”

“Yeah, actually it does,” Blaze says, standing and putting space between us and him. “Paragraph four discusses our accommodations for trans men and outlines that no female identifying persons are allowed here, but that they can visit our sister club, Midnight Rose.”

“I see,” I mutter. “Well, we’re very sorry to waste your time, Blaze, but neither me nor my friend are gay.”

Blaze shrugs. “Doesn’t mean you can’t experience the dungeon. It’s not like sex was on the table. You see…” His words trail off as he pulls a whip off the wall, dragging it slowly over his palm. “Domination and submission aren’t always tied to sex. It’s an emotional need. A part of you that needs to be fed and nurtured. You might even enjoy it more without the pressure of arousal. You’ve got eighteen more minutes with me. Why not give it a try?”

Axel shifts uncomfortably beside me. I’m sure he’s waiting for me to blow up, but something about Blaze’s words hit a part of me that resonates.

“You know what? Sure. Let’s do it.”

“What?” Axel says, nearly shrieking. “You want to stay?”

“Why not? We’re here. You paid for it. Blaze seems like a…” I glance at the intimidating man. “Nice guy. Sort of. It’s a new experience, like you said.”

“Great,” Blaze says, not waiting for Axel to reply. He offers his hand to me and I take it, allowing him to lead me across the space to a large wooden X. “This is a Saint Andrew’s Cross. I’ll start by securing your wrists and ankles to it so you can get a feel for what restraint is like.”

“Yeah, okay.”

I watch as he wipes it down with some kind of cloth, disinfectant, I assume given the scent of alcohol and bleach, and then he grins, looking me up and down. I’m really second guessing my decision to stay right about now.

“Face forward,” Blaze says, offering me his hand to help me step up onto the ledge where the cross sits.

“And this is for pleasure, not torture?” I ask, taking his hand.

Blaze chuckles darkly. “It’s a fine line.”

I shoot Axel a look. He looks like he’s about to vomit. I can’t be that mad at the guy. Details were never his strong suit, and his intentions are always good.

Once I’m actually standing on the wooden platform at the base of the cross, Blaze stands behind me, his body so close I can feel the heat radiating off him. Slowly, but deftly, he takes my arms and lifts them to strap me to the upper portion of the cross, before kneeling and doing the same to both my ankles.

As he tightens the leather strap around my left ankle, I gasp from the sense of restraint spreading through me. I’m a self-admitted control freak, and this is not cool. I can’t just run or break away from anything he does to me.

My chest tightens and I break out in a sweat, breathing harder as panic sets in, but then Axel is there in front of me, his warm, different colored eyes, one blue and one hazel, calming me immediately.

“You’re totally safe, Holl,” he whispers. “I’m here, remember? You know I would never let anything bad happen to you. Breathe. I got you.”

Nodding, I inhale and exhale slowly a couple of times while my heartbeat returns to normal. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Blaze appears beside Axel, his face creased with concern. “You want to stop?”

I shake my head, fueled by some foreign need deep inside me. “No. I just needed a minute. I’m good.”

He searches my face then nods. “Good time to talk about safewords. Anytime you play, you should have one. It needs to be a word that you can remember under duress and not easily confused with words typically used during intense pleasure. ‘Stop’ isn’t as good as something random. You can also start with the basic stoplight system: red, yellow, green. Make sense?”

“Yeah.”

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