Page 53 of Calculated Chaos

“I’m serious. You told me earlier to help you see yourself the way I do, so that’s what I’m gonna do. I think you’re incredible.” Gazing into his eyes, I take a chance and say the words still on my tongue. “And you’re such a good boy for me.”

His eyelids flutter as he exhales, clutching my shirt in his fist. “Am I?”

“So good, and I’m gonna be a better Dom. I’m gonna learn how to take care of you.”

“You’re a perfect Dom for me. I was thinking on the way home… Can we, um… maybe we could get a few things for the house and, you know, practice here.”

“You want to be my good boy at home too?”

Hollister nods. “I do. I want to see what it feels like just in regular life, you know?”

“Yeah, me too. So, just to make sure, you want me to take charge?”

“Fuck yeah,” he whispers, rubbing his soft dick against my thigh. “Guide me.”

I lean in and press a kiss to his lips. “You know, Holl, if we’re not careful, we’re gonna fall in love.”

“We’re already halfway there. We’ve loved each other in one way for a long time. It’s not such a leap to the rest of it, is it?”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” I kiss him again. “Thank fuck I can’t pay attention to details. It led us to discovering this between us.”

He laughs softly. “Will you sleep with me tonight?”

“Definitely.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

HOLLISTER

Last night felt like a dream, but when I roll over in bed straight into Axel’s warm body, I know it was real. Everything we did rushes back, and my dick immediately reacts, twitching and swelling. Whoa. It’s almost unreal how my body reacts to the mere idea of me and Ax and all the subby things I want to do with him.

The weirdest part though, is that it doesn’t make me feel weak the way I do when I let my dad walk all over me, or when my coworkers speak over me and I don’t stand up for myself. It feels like the opposite of weakness, which doesn’t make sense to my analytical brain.

I slip from the bed to let Axel keep sleeping and start the coffee. My head is still stuck on how much has changed for me in such a short time. For us. It makes me question a lot of things, like if I was more bisexual than I knew all along or if I just have some kind of connection to Axel that makes all of this possible. Maybe he’s right and it doesn’t really matter.

As the coffee brews, I curl up on the couch with the journal Axel gave me. In it is my calculated chaos list, and reading over it brings a smile to my face. Get a tattoo, do something scary, explore submissiveness. I could literally check them all off as one thing, but since writing it, my viewpoint is already changing.

Suddenly my world is opening up to possibilities I haven’t allowed myself to entertain. Instead of trudging through the dating scene again, I could have what I’ve always hoped for and more with Ax. I could even…

The sudden thought gripping me nearly takes my breath away. A distant memory, a dream, hurtling back to me like an out of control truck. Seventeen-year-old me dreamed of owning my own café, with books and pastries and a place that people wanted to spend time in. When I told my folks, I was met with sweet encouragement from my mom, but my dad delivered a damn presentation on how many new businesses, especially food related, fail in their first year. I had to listen to how unqualified I was and how even though I had some skill in the kitchen, I would always be struggling when I could have a secure future following Dad’s path.

I thought he’d killed the dream, but as it blooms again in my chest, I realize he didn’t. It was just hibernating. Could I do something so scandalous? Could I figure out how to get a business like that started while keeping my job for income? Where would I even start?

“You okay?” Axel asks from the hallway.

I glance up, my breath catching at the sight of him. Messy hair, sleepy eyes, and low-riding shorts make the man look like a walking dream.

“You’re so hot, Axel. I’ve always known it, but not from this angle.”

“What angle is that?”

“That I can… you know?”

“Use your words, sweet boy.”

My stomach does a flip as my eyes go wide. “Oh damn.”

“Didn’t like it?”

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