Page 126 of Imperfect Player

It’s not the first time this idea has rambled through my head, though it is the last. Decision made. For her benefit, not mine.

“No, I didn’t want this. I want her.” Pacing around the room, I run my hands through my hair. “I’m trying to do right by her.”

“What about you?”

“This isn’t about me.”

“I disagree. All of this is about you. It’s about your addiction. Your recovery. Your fear of being left.”

“It’s about her. Her happiness. Her living her life to its fullest. It’s about giving her what she needs.”

“And what if what she needs . . . is you?”

“No one needs me.”

“I think she would disagree with that.”

“It doesn’t matter. This isn’t something that I can ask her to do.”

“What isn’t?”

“The endless recovery. I’ve already failed once.”

“You didn’t quite have the motivation then that you do now.”

“I had my career. My—”

“You didn’t have Everly, though. She’s your motivation. She’s the light. The one illuminating the path to the other side. The better side.”

Fucking asshole throwing my words back in my face.

“I won’t use her like that.”

“It’s not using her, Ethan. This is what people who love each other do. They support each other. Stand by each other.”

“What in the hell did she do to deserve standing by a fucking loser like me, huh? She’s not the reason I drink. Why should she have to bear the brunt of all this shit?”

“Because she loves you. We don’t choose who we love. We just . . . love them.”

“We can also move on from them. That’s what I’m giving her—the ability to move on.”

“You think it’s going to be that easy?”

“I’m not exactly a fucking prize here, so yeah, I do.”

“You don’t think so, but what does Everly think?”

“She thinks she loves me. She thinks love will heal everything. Newsflash—it won’t. I have to fix this. Me and only me. And I will not have her waiting around to see if I succeed.”

Or worse, if I crash and burn.

Again.

“And what will not having her around do to you? To your recovery?”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t put that on her. My recovery is mine and mine alone.”

“No one should have to go through things alone.”

---