Page 80 of Double or Nothing

Putting on my best fake smile, I walk over to her.

“I’m good. It’s just… this doesn’t feel right, you leaving after we, uh…”

Her hand touches my face. “I know, but I won’t be able to think with you staring at me all night,” she says, trying to lighten the mood. Her hands tug at the cotton shirt I’m wearing. “And you’ll just keep giving me orgasms until I say yes.”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

“I’ll call you first thing tomorrow. I promise.” She presses a chaste kiss to my lips.

As she walks out the door, I finally know how she felt. How it feels to be the one left standing there, wondering.

It fucking sucks.

Chapter 36

Kat

“This better be good,” Liz groans into the phone, her voice soft and sleepy.

It’s nearly two in the morning, but I’m sure what I’m about to tell her is well worth her losing a little sleep over.

“I had sex with Sutton.”

“You what?” Liz screams into the phone. “How was it?”

“Amazing. Just like it used to be yet infinitely better,” I gush as I flop back onto my bed.

“Okay, then what happened? You didn’t run, did you?”

“No. We talked after. A lot. And… he said if I want him to, he’ll stay.”

Another squeal of delight.

“Don’t leave me hanging like that. What did you say?” I can hear the excitement in her voice, a slight amount of fear mixed in that I screwed this up.

“I told him I needed to think.”

“Okay,” she exhales. “That’s reasonable. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Then he asked me to spend the week with him, and I said I needed to think about that, too.”

“You need to think about spending the week with a rock star? Who you happen to be head over heels in love with? Are you kidding me? What is there to think about?”

That’s just it. There is so much to think about. My hurt and anger aside, I just can’t wrap my head around a plot where this story works out in our favor. We’re happy for now, not a happily ever after. He has music. I have the casino. Who knows if we have anything in common anymore?

“Our careers. His dad. What if he bolts again, Liz? What if I say yes, then decides it’s not working and leaves? Then what?”

The only outcome I see is devastation—my heart irreparably broken and unwilling to ever love again. Sutton? He would rebound, beautiful woman after beautiful woman throwing themselves at him. I wouldn’t. I’ve already allowed myself to become so detached, unwilling to love, I fear what I’ll turn into if I were to lose him again.

Liz doesn’t see it that way.

“You’ll bounce back. Just like you did before.”

But did I really? If I’m honest, this entire time, I’ve felt as if a piece of me was missing, as though I wasn’t whole. Anyone who tried to complete me, I kicked to the curb. It’s not like I was sitting around pining for Sutton. I’ve enjoyed my life the last five years, even without him in it. Still, when it came to love, I preferred the adage “fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em.”

It was easy, safe. No risk of getting hurt or screwed over again.

Now, I’m supposed to reconsider that? For the man who led me in that direction, no less?

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