Page 73 of Double or Nothing

The waiter arrives with the glass of wine I ordered for Kat, her favorite, according to Liz.

“You really can be a sweetheart,” she admits after taking a sip of the wine and realizing I had researched.

“Shh… people might hear you.”

“Oh, right. What would they think if they found out the bad boy rock star was really nothing more than a teddy bear?”

“Exactly. I have a rep to uphold.”

“Quite a rep.”

“It’s not all true.” She quirks up an eyebrow. “Okay, some of it isn’t true.”

The waiter arrives, and we quickly give him our order. So far, the night is going perfectly. At least for me, it is. Kat still looks as if she’s on the fence about… well, everything. Still, she seems somewhat at ease, smiling and conversing, not scowling and shouting. I’m all about the baby steps, each one getting me a little closer, and I’m okay with that.

“So, what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

She rolls her eyes. “Being a rock star. Being on the big stage, under the lights, and singing your heart out.”

“It’s amazing.” I scrub my hand over my face, hoping she doesn’t get the wrong impression. “Even better than I ever dreamed. The music, the fans…”

“The women.” Despite the slight bite to her words, she’s still smiling.

“There’s only one woman who ever mattered. Only one I was trying to impress on that stage.”

Kat takes another sip of wine, and her eyes remain on the glass.

“We have to talk about it, Kat. We’ll have to talk about us, about what happened.”

She nods, her eyes still refusing to meet mine.

“I remember the look in your eyes the night I left. Christ, I can’t get it out of my mind.” My voice is soft and gentle. “The hurt, the pain. I hate myself for doing that to you, for making you choose when there wasn’t even a choice to make.”

“Then why did you?” she asks, her voice elevated, emotions getting the best of her.

“I was a stupid kid who didn’t get what he wanted. So, instead of being understanding, I got angry and said something I have regretted from the minute it fell from my mouth.”

“I never wanted us to end.”

“I know, I just…” How in the hell do I explain this to her when I don’t even understand it myself? “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I gave you that stupid ultimatum. I’m sorry I walked away. I’m sorry I left town. I never wanted to be without you. I still don’t.”

My admission silences us, the words unexpected. While I’m willing to concede them, I’m not entirely sure she’s willing to believe them.

“I’m glad you left.” Her voice is stronger, filled with confidence.

“Uh… thanks?” Her admission confuses me. The anger, the hurt—how could she be glad I left.

“No, not like that. I just mean you needed to go. You needed to get away from your father. You needed to take that opportunity.” Her eyes finally find mine. “I just wish you hadn’t walked away from us. I would have done anything, Sutton, anything to make us work.”

“I know.” Reaching across the table, I take her hand in mine and squeeze. “I may not have acted like it, but that’s what I wanted, too.”

“I appreciate everything you’ve been trying to do to make it up to me.” She slides her hand out of mine. “I appreciate the apology.”

“But?”

“I’m not sure why you’re doing it, what you’re hoping to accomplish. If it’s us getting back together, that isn’t happening.”

---