Page 18 of Double or Nothing

I shrug. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, I don’t want to talk about it.” I pause for a moment, knowing unless I give him something, he’s not going to let up. “We’ve over. Kat, she… we’re just over.” Mac begins to speak, but I cut him off, “And I don’t ever want to hear her fucking name again. Do you hear me?”

My voice is thick with emotion as I choke back the tears that I refuse to fall.

I never cried when my dad hit me, I’m sure as hell not going to cry because Kat doesn’t love me. She did what people always do. Walked away.

“Let’s pack your shit and get out here,” I tell him.

There are only two things I know for certain:

1 – I’m going to be a rock star.

2 - Once I leave Vegas, there is nothing to come back for.

Chapter 11

Kat

Walking away from Sutton hurts. Each step I take deepens the pain in my chest. By the time I leave the baseball field, the pain is unbearable.

Not only am I losing him, but he forced me to choose. And when he didn’t like my choice – he pushed me away.

Did he really expect me to pick him over my dying mother? Or was this just a way of pushing me away to make it easier for him to leave?

I wouldn’t have stopped him. I would never ask him to stay for me. This is his dream coming true, and I couldn’t be happier for him.

Why did he have to break me in the process?

Wasn’t it enough to know that I was going to have to endure the struggle with my mother alone? Without him, my rock, here to keep me up when I break down?

Shutting the door behind me, I slide down it until I’m on the floor. The sobs I held back, the ones I didn’t want him to hear, escape me now despite not knowing what it is that I feel.

I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m so lost.

He’s leaving.

We were supposed to be forever.

“Honey, are you okay?” my mother’s frail voice says from the doorway.

Shit. I swipe away the tears and plaster on a smile before facing her. “I’m fine, Mom. Go back to bed.”

“Fine, huh? That bright red nose of yours says otherwise.” She slowly makes her way to me. “Tell me.”

As much as I don’t want to burden her with anything more than she’s already having to deal with, the comfort of her presence sends me spiraling.

I follow her to the couch and rest my head in her lap.

“Sutton’s leaving.” I sob as she strokes my hair. “He’s leaving and I’m never going to see him again.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sure that’s not true.” Her voice is calm and serene, but doesn’t soothe me or the anger I feel in the slightest. Anger that I can’t express to her.

Sadness over him leaving – understandable. The fact that she’s the reason I can’t go with him – I can’t put that on her.

“He’s leaving tomorrow. He’s going on tour and recording an album.” My words catch in my throat.

---