Page 29 of Total Obsession

“So, that’s it? You’re just leaving me to try and find another roommate?”

“Cassie,” I said, “You’ve known for a while now that I was moving out to New York. I sort of figured that you would have already had someone lined up by now.”

“I don’t really feel like it’s my responsibility to find your replacement,” she huffed.

“I would agree with you if I’d actually signed a lease,” I replied, moving onto the next dresser drawer and another suitcase. “But, you just asked me to be your roommate. I didn’t really think there was an expectation that I’d have to find a replacement.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Cassie said, swirling her glass of wine. “Ever since he came in the picture, you act like you’re too good for everyone.”

I stopped what I was doing and turned to look at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying that me and the other girls noticed that ever since you got an ounce of attention from Axe Michelson, you’ve been acting like you’re better than everyone else.”

My eyes widened at her hearing her words. “You can’t actually believe that, can you?” I asked in disbelief.

She didn’t respond. She just made a face at me and shrugged.

“Axe is an old friend,” I explained, even though I didn’t feel like I should have to. “It’s not my fault that he’s friends with a few designers and him and I have reconnected. If you want my opinion, you’re just jealous about my success, and so are the other girls.”

“See, right there!” Cassie said, pointing her finger at me. “You think you’re better than us!”

“No!” I said, matching her tone and starting to get angry. “I think you’re all jealous. If it were you that were being given these opportunities, I’d be so excited for you. Instead, you’re just standing there trying to put me down. I don’t need this right now!”

“Whatever,” Cassie said. “I’m glad you’re leaving. There’s not enough room for you on the runway these days anyways,” she said, making an obvious comment about my weight.

That was pretty much the last thing we said to one another. It's not like I really had any other friends, either. Models might act like they were all friends for social media, but in reality, there was a lot of infighting, rumors, and gossip, all at one another’s expense. It was because there were only so many spots in shows or in magazines. We were all competing against one another.

My existence would have been extremely lonely if it weren't for the fact that Axe was always there to talk to. It's not like we even talked about much at all. He would always just ask me how my day was. Or, he would send me little funny pictures or sayings to help brighten my day.

All the hours on the plane without being able to talk to him had only increased my anxiety. He always told me that I just needed to stay focused and it would all work out, but just hearing him say it was what really helped put my mind at ease.

Even before the flight attendant told us we'd landed and could turn on our phones, I was turning on mine. I refreshed the screen multiple times, waiting for my phone to update. Other messages and emails arrived, except my last message back to Axe remained unanswered.

I furrowed my brow as I stared at my phone. Why hadn't he responded yet?

"Ma'am?" the woman to the right of me said, startling me into looking up. I must have completely zoned out because the plane was already half cleared out and I was preventing my aisle from leaving.

"Sorry," I muttered, as I stood quickly, grabbed my bag, and made my way off the plane.

I kept my phone in my hand the entire time, hoping that a notification would pop up from him, but all the way through the airport, to baggage claim, and into the cab, there was nothing.

I felt about ready to cry.

False. By the time I was in the cab, I basically was crying. I tried not to let the driver see. It didn't seem like he cared, anyway. I'm sure more than one sobbing girl had gotten into his cab throughout his tenure as a driver.

My mind kept jumping to the worst-case scenario that he was never going to talk to me again or that he hated me or that he finally had gotten tired of me. Internal demons tried to convince me that he finally realized that I was too fat or ugly for him. I tried to fight back and told myself that I was just exhausted and blowing everything out of proportion.

Even still, the tears wouldn't leave my eyes, and the knots in my stomach only got stronger and stronger. The driver made his way through city traffic with ease, but I wasn't paying attention to it. All I was doing was staring at my phone with blurry eyes.

"Miss," he said to get my attention, and I finally looked up. "We're here."

"Oh!" I said. I opened the door, not knowing what to expect. Sure, I'd seen the exterior of the building on the internet when Sarah finally texted me the address, but there were countless apartments in this building and there was no telling what mine would look like. I was also very much trying not to get my hopes up. The studio was providing me with an apartment for free. Whatever it was, I would be grateful.

Stepping out of the cab, I shielded my eyes against the sun. I looked up at the incredibly tall building. It looked like a luxury building, for sure. The windows were all floor-to-ceiling, broken on the outside exterior with some decorative stonework. As I made my way down the building, I noticed that there was a level that even had balconies that overlooked the New York City skyline.

My eyes traveled all the way down to the elaborate front walkway with big glass doors as the cab driver put the last of my suitcases on the curb next to me before driving off. Except, I couldn't be bothered with him right now, because walking through those very doors, with the biggest bouquet of peonies I'd ever seen, was Axe.

nine

---