Page 16 of A Vicious Rumor

I was so fucking angry.

My Father hadn't vetted this woman.

He hadn't spared the time to even check where he was sending me. Just an address on a post-it note and have a nice fucking summer.

The entire place suddenly felt stifling. I didn't want to be here anymore. But, I didn't want to be home anymore, either. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I opened the sliding glass door to the back of the house and ran outside. The backyard was fenced in by chain-link, and I hopped over it and just started running. I ran until I couldn't run any longer, and then I walked.

I walked past the Metro station, and stopped to watch for a moment. I watched people running to catch the next train, clearly in a hurry. I watched people in their own worlds, with their headphones on, oblivious to anyone around them. I watched people smiling and laughing with friends, casually walking through the gates. I was surrounded by people, but connected to none of them.

I continued my aimless journey exploring my surroundings, trying to escape from everywhere and everything. Across the street was the local public high school. I stood in front of it for a moment. I realized that, had things been different, I would likely have ended up attending school here. I wondered whether I would have actually had friends at this school. Would people have cared that my biological Mother was a stripper? Would people have cared that the woman I thought was my mother left my father? Would people care that my father's business was failing? A part of me wanted to believe that they wouldn't. A part of me wanted to hope that they'd see past all of that, and just see me for me.

I shook my head.

But, I'd probably be disappointed.

People always disappointed me.

I'd had enough thinking for one day. So, I continued walking. I made my way under the highway overpass, stopped to read some of the spray-paint on the concrete pillars, before continuing on. I could see the water off in the distance and a lush green lawn in front of me. The sign next to me informed me that I'd happened upon the Anacostia Park.

Cherry blossom trees dotted the water's edge, but it was early summer, so they're signature pink petals were long gone by now. A man was throwing a frisbee with his dog to my right, and a group of people were gathered together, having a picnic, straight in front of me.

I just really did not want to be around people at the moment. Especially not people who seemed to be having a good time. That would only make it harder to feel what I was feeling--or not feeling, to be more precise.

I turned left and walked some distance until the busy-ness cleared. I started a slow trek down to the water's edge. I had no plan, no place to go, nothing to do, and nowhere I wanted to be. I was just walking a path I was placed on against my will, idly wondering where it might take me.

The water came into view as I crested a small hill. My footsteps faltered as I stared, not into the blue of the water, but into the blue of her eyes.

She was sitting there, completely calm, with her back facing the water. I wondered for a minute if she recognized me. She didn't move or give any indication of recognition. She just sat there with the same, quizzical expression.

I'd thought about what it would be like to see Lily again. I'd given up on finding her, but that didn't mean I didn't think about her now and again. Whatever I'd imagined, she was that and more. Her blonde hair was still almost white and reflected beautifully in the sun. It was much longer now, but still healthy. She'd grown into her high cheekbones and full lips.

How I knew it was her, I wasn't sure. I just knew.

My feet started moving again of their own accord and before my mind was able to prepare for it, I was standing in front of her.

We were silent for a moment. She looked up at me, and I looked down at her. Neither one of us said anything. I'm not sure either of us had to.

I finally cleared my throat. "How come you're not looking at the water like everyone else?" I asked her.

She gave me a small smile. "I've seen water before. It does the same thing all day: flow downstream. People are more interesting. Some of them have never seen the water before, so I like seeing their excitement. Some of them come here when they're sad, and I might be able to comfort them. Some of them come here looking for something, like you. The water is always the same. People are always different."

"You think I'm looking for something?" I asked her.

She nodded her head. "Aren't you?"

I sighed, thinking about her question. Was it too corny to say that I'd been looking for her? Was that even true anymore? I decided I didn't really want to figure out the truth, so I sidestepped the question.

"Do you remember me?" I asked her.

She nodded her head. "I do."

My heart pounded in my chest, and I put my fist to it to try and get it to stop. How fucking annoying.

"Sit with me?" she asked me.

I nodded and sat down next to her, except I decided to face the water, rather than the street. I liked how the water was always constant. I hated how people were up and down.

"I looked for you a couple of years ago," I admitted to her.

---