Page 98 of A Vicious Rumor

"When I got mixed up in stuff I shouldn't have, I didn't want you to get hurt. It scared me to think that I could get you injured, or worse. But, I'm just a fucking idiot, Lily, which is why I pushed you away. I was afraid to tell you what I was doing. I was afraid to tell anyone! I should have been honest with you, but instead I lied. Fuck." He put his head in his hands. "I can't imagine what it must have felt like after our night together."

"It wasn't great," I said sarcastically.

He looked up at me and for the first time in my entire life, I saw Tyson starting to cry. My heart was screaming at me. It wanted me to reach out to him, to comfort him, to care for him, but my brain was keeping me in place.

"I know. And then, despite everything I put you through, you still almost got hurt, and it's all been my fault," he said.

We sat in silence again. "I'm not sure what you want me to say to all of this, Tyson," I finally said.

He pushed a few tears off his cheeks with his hands. "I don't need you to say anything. I just want to tell you that I'm sorry, and that," he sighed and took a deep breath. "I love you. But I get it if I fucked it up beyond repair."

I looked down at his bracelet. He still had it around his wrist, next to the one I'd dropped the night I'd run away from him at the party.

I thought about the old me. The one that put together a bracelet with gold paint. The one that believed that scars only made us stronger and that they were something to be celebrated, not something to be covered up. Had I let the Academy change me so much that I'd lost sight of that? Had I let it turn me into a different person? One who was bitter and cynical?

Tyson moved back and started to pull off his shirt. I looked at him in shock. "What are you doing?" but as the material lifted off his skin, I was covering my mouth in surprise.

He had covered his entire chest, back and arms in white paint, and all across his body were bright gold tendrils, just like his bracelet. He stood and walked over to me. He reached down and I let him pull me up. I was in such shock at what I was seeing.

"Maybe I did break everything, but you also taught me how to fix things. More than that," he said, squeezing both of my hands. "You helped fix me. Whatever you decide, I just wanted you to know that."

I broke down and cried in that moment. The tears just came flowing out of me, and I couldn't stop them. "I've loved you since the first day you stood up for yourself all those years ago," I said to him. "You had this way about you that I admired. But you left then, and you left this summer, and I just don't want to go through that hurt again!" I was sobbing now, as my heart pushed past my brain and started to confess everything it'd been holding back.

"It hurts when you leave, because I love you! It's like I've got a string attached from my heart to yours, and every time you've walked away, it snaps back on me! Every time you go to fight someone and you get hurt, it tugs at me. It's not fair that I feel this way!"

"I know!" Tyson said, tears slipping down his cheeks, too. He pulled me into his arms, and I couldn't stop him. "I know, and I'm sorry you had to fall in love with a fuck up like me. I really am. I wish I could go back in time and change it all for you. You deserve so much better."

His words jolted me back into reality. I pushed against him a bit and looked up into his dark brown eyes. "No," I said. "I would hate that. It hurts to love you sometimes, but I never said I didn't want to."

I traced the gold lines across his chest. Painting himself this way must have taken forever, I wasn't sure how he even accomplished it. "You did this? Just for me?"

"Of course," he said. "I had to show you what you mean to me. I didn't know of any other way to express it."

"It's really beautiful," I admitted. He threaded his fingers through my hair, before resting his palm on the back of my neck. "What happens now?" I asked him.

"Ronny told me I've been running the show this entire time. That it wasn't fair to you," he said. "So, whatever happens now isn't up to me," he said. "This time, it's whatever you want." He paused. "Just know, that if you do," he choked back a sob, "choose something else, I'll still always love you. My Tiger Lily."

I shook my head. "That's not fair," I said.

"What's not fair?" he asked.

"You can't tell me that you'll always still love me."

"I'm just over lying to you," he said, his fingers squeezing slightly at the back of my neck.

"Can we try again?" I asked him.

His eyes widened and he nodded his head. "Yes! Whatever you want! We can start over!"

"No," I said with a fervent shake of my head. "I don't believe in starting over." I traced the gold against his chest again, and he shivered at my touch. "Starting over is like trying to patch up the scars and pretend that they're not there. They're there, and we should celebrate them. Maybe our own relationship needs a little gold paint, too."

"Our relationship?" he said, the slightest bit of hope in his voice.

I looked at him through tear stained eyes and smiled. "Yeah," I said. "Our relationship."

"You're too fucking good for me, Lily White," he said, before he leaned down and kissed me.

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