Page 63 of Enemy Ex's Secret Baby

“No, come on.” I grab her by the wrist before she can walk away. “I’m not completely heartless, Gillian. I know I hurt you.”

Her eyes widen. “You know you hurt me?”

It’s clear I don’t know the extent to which I have, based on her tone of voice.

Gillian jerks her hand away from me. “You don’t even know the half of it, Axel.”

“I know I don’t. I’m sorry.”

She flinches. “That’s a lot of good, seven years later.”

“Hey…” I say softly. “I have no excuses. I have nothing to offer you except that I’m here to listen and own up to my actions now.”

Gillian stares at me, her brown eyes flickering. Are those tears in her eyes? I can’t tell in the shadowy light. “Axel, just because we weren’t supposed to have feelings for each other didn’t mean that I could just stop them from happening, alright?”

My heart gallops in my chest. That was our deal. That first time was so good we wanted to keep having fun. Sex, no string attached. We both needed it. I needed a release from the stress my dad was putting on me. And Gillian needed a way to get over her ex-boyfriend, Martin Holtz. We were using each other. At least that’s how it started. Foolish to think that after so many years of knowing each other the feelings wouldn’t inevitably follow.

“But I took that on the chin. I was willing to swallow it and just…move on.” Her cheeks grow tight. “But for you to do what you did–”

“I’m so sorry.”

“To just…act like I didn’t even exist–”

“It was wrong.”

“You wouldn’t even look at me,” she finishes. And that’s when the tears spill down her face. “God, this is so stupid.” She looks away, covering her eyes.

I’ve never felt good about my decision. The days just ticked down so quickly and my feelings were so out of control I thought the only way to deal with it was…pretending like nothing had happened. I was so young back then. At least…I feel like I was younger. It’s not an excuse. Especially if she’s been carrying the hurt with her all these years.

The truth is, I hurt both of us. That was when I decided to throw myself at the family business, at our legacy. Wasn’t going to let a woman get in my way, especially not a woman I knew might take my whole heart and soul with her if I wasn’t careful. And a woman I was never supposed to have to begin with.

“It was wrong of me to do that,” I say with a stiff upper lip. “I should have told you how I really felt.”

Gillian wipes the tears off her face. “I might be crying, but I promise I’m over it, okay? We don’t have to rehash this; I know you didn’t come here for–”

“Gillian, listen to me,” I say and come toward her, taking her hand in mine. I feel her pull away at first, but then she relaxes into my touch. “This is exactly what I came here for.”

She furrows her brow with curiosity.

“I was…a coward back then. Not because I didn’t want to hurt you or let you down easy, but because I was falling in love with you.”

Her eyes widen.

“How was I supposed to say anything when we’d agreed it would be nothing? And then Lola came home and–” Don’t chicken out. Man up and own up to your mistakes. “I was too scared to tell you the truth because…because I was too scared to tell you.”

Gillian’s lips creep upward even though tears are still tumbling down her face.

“I thought I was choosing my family by pushing you away. Because I couldn’t imagine how we would make it work. Between Lola and the pressure my dad was putting on me to take over for Jeremiah, it was–”

“You were so stressed,” she says.

A knife to the heart. She remembers, no doubt, staying up late with me as I rambled about my fears of the future. How the music played in the background and our limbs wove together. Gillian held me. And listened. Kissed my forehead.

And what did I do? I acted like she didn’t exist.

“I didn’t deserve you then. I don’t deserve you now,” I say carefully, then wrap my other hand around hers. “But I’m not going to be a coward anymore.” I look her dead in the eye. “I want to be with you, Gillian.”

She starts to smile, but something isn’t letting her. “Axel, I’m not the same girl.”

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