Page 53 of Montana Rain

Tears spilled over my eyes and onto his skin. “He spun out into oncoming traffic. They say he died instantly, which I’m grateful for. But I’m the reason he was out there, Cole. There’s no ambiguity about it. He was out there because he loved me, and my selfishness got him killed.”

Cole didn’t say anything, and I didn’t want him to. There wasn’t anything to say that would make me feel better, and there wasn’t anything that would relieve the terrible guilt of being responsible not only for the death and injury of your family, but for their grief and loss, too.

Finally, Cole moved, rolling us together so he was on top of me, pressing me down into the mattresses and pillows the way I told him I liked. The compression calmed me and made me feel…safe.

“You said it’s been a long time for you. For sex. How long?”

My cheeks heated, and it wasn’t from the fire. “I’ve had plenty of orgasms over the years, Cole. Don’t worry.”

One corner of his mouth turned up, but his eyes weren’t smiling. They were staring at me and seeing far, far too much. “That’s not what I asked.”

How long? I barely knew. I wasn’t really keeping track. Dating hadn’t been off the table, and I had dated people on and off over the years, but I’d always bailed out before it got too serious. It was easier that way.

I had a feeling Cole wasn’t someone I could bail out on, no matter how easy that might make it.

“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “At least a few years.”

“And since you’ve had anything serious?”

He didn’t need me to speak to see the answer. Never.

Cole leaned down and kissed my forehead, letting us live in this moment for a little while. “Listen to me.” His voice was barely louder than the crackle of the fire. “I’m an asshole with a savior complex. If something happens to me, it will be entirely because of my own idiocy and nothing to do with you. And even if that were the case, which it’s not, I’d still choose to be here with you. The only way you can get rid of me now is to tell me point-blank you want me to leave.” He smirked. “And I still might try to convince you.”

“Why?” I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. He was so handsome I didn’t want to stop looking at him, but he terrified me too. Somehow this man had cracked open my shell in spite of my trying desperately to keep it closed.

“Why do I want to be with you?”

Slowly, he kissed my cheeks and temples, the tip of my nose and the corner of my lips before pulling my hands away from him and tangling our fingers. “Because your heart calls to mine.”

Whatever I had expected him to say, that wasn’t it.

“You’re beautiful, Rayne. I don’t think I’ll ever want to stop looking at you. But that’s not why I want to be with you. You’re kind. You fight for the people you care about, even if it’s against someone like me. You hide yourself behind walls you’ve built because it’s easier to exist alone than to risk being hurt again. So you help other people and pretend it’s enough. And I know because I’m the same.” He took a breath. “I don’t know how to explain what it feels like, but I know you. I want to take care of you and be the first person you let inside those walls. Even if it’s just the two of us, no one deserves to be alone.”

My heart stuttered. “I feel like I should make a joke right now because that was so intense.”

“No jokes, princess. Just you and me.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.”

“Nope.” Cole shook his head. “It’s not going to be easy. We both have our shit to deal with, and you, of all people, know people’s shit gets in the way of things. But I want this. I want you. So I don’t care if it’s easy. We’ll figure it out and take it slow. Hell, I’ll even go to therapy with you, if that’s what it takes.”

I snorted inelegantly. “Really?”

“Really.”

The idea of Cole and me sitting in couples therapy made me laugh. We’d probably be at each other’s throats the way we were at family dinner.

“What happens when we get out of here?”

“Out of this cabin?” he asked. “I’m getting a burger. A giant, hot one I don’t have to make myself. Maybe a milkshake. And take a hot shower somewhere. Then take you to bed again and see where we’re at with the Chicago situation. After? Hopefully just life.”

He was right. It wouldn’t be easy, but I did like the fact that it was simple. Straightforward. We would be together, and that was that. The end.

Cole grinned suddenly. “Having you underneath me gives me all kinds of ideas.”

“Does it?” I raised one eyebrow. “What kinds of ideas?”

“I think it will be easier to show you than tell you.”

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