Page 75 of Untamed

“Pretty good, actually. That Hayes kid had a good turnout on Thursday.”

Shit. I totally forgot about Hayes playing every Thursday. A little pit of guilt forms in my stomach for not being here to support him.

“Mostly women, mind you,” he says with a laugh, probably because I left out the little detail about how Hayes and I were kind of dating. “But still, good crowd. You can tell him I’ll start putting him on the schedule for some weekends. Think he’d like that?”

“I’m sure he would.” I try to smile, but I know it falls flat. I didn’t like the girls throwing themselves at Hayes when I was here and could stake my claim. But it feels even worse to know they were doing it when we were taking space and I was wallowing in my own self-pity.

“I tried to grab him to let him know before he left, but that boy had a fire under his ass.” He chuckles. “Jumped off the stage and dodged everyone in sight. Must’ve had something to get to. Anyway, let him know just to pop in or give me a call. We’ll set up some new times for him.”

“He’ll love that.” It becomes a little easier to smile now knowing that Hayes dipped out. Maybe he was trying to outrun Ashley and her cronies. “I’ll let him know next time I see him.”

Bill lets the conversation drop after that, and I spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning and getting ready to open. And the night goes by pretty quickly. Too soon, Rhett and Poppy, Hayes, and Wells all walk in. I want to shrivel up and blow away. It’s just me and one other person besides Bill tending the bar, and I have a feeling those boys are going to seek me out.

My palms are sweating as I watch them all look around, finding an open table, and then my stomach roars up into my throat when Hayes looks at the bar and finds me with shocking accuracy. But a small smile is all I get, and then he’s walking off with Wells to grab their table.

“Hi, pretty lady!” Poppy shouts across the bar. Her smile is infectious. Even Rhett is grinning as he watches her stand on her tiptoes to reach across and kiss my cheeks. “We told Hayes to leave you alone since you’re at work.”

“I didn’t tell Hayes shit,” Rhett grumbles. “I don’t get involved.”

“Yes, yes.” Poppy rolls her eyes. “I told Hayes to leave you alone. Rhett is grumpy and doesn’t like to participate. But while you’re working is not the time. So I sent him to the table with Wells.”

“Thank you.” I smile and try my hardest not to search him out. This might be a long night. “What can I get you?”

* * *

Hayes actually kept his word to Poppy and stayed away for the entire night. It was like old times, before we were friends again and he and I weren’t talking. He just sat there, sipping on that single drink and giving half-assed chat to his brothers. Our eyes met a few times throughout the night, and each time, it felt like I was being pulled over to him. I just wanted to forget about our space and run to him.

But I just don’t know where his head is at yet.

I pull into the driveway and try to slowly pull in front of the rescue barn. It only takes me a few minutes to gather up all of Betty’s things and then get her in the car. I think this is the first time riding in a car since she got here, but she does so well. The window is rolled down for her, and she gets all the sniffs on the way over to the cabin.

Once I get her in the house after she’s gone potty, it’s like she’s a completely different dog almost. She sniffs around and then is wagging her tail as she runs from one side of the house to the other. Her zoomies are hilarious, her nails trying to grip on the wood floors as she slips and slides.

“Let’s get you set up for sleep,” I tell her through my laughter. “We need to get our beauty rest.”

As I start to unpack her things, a folded-up piece of notebook paper falls out. It’s just plain lined paper, ripped haphazardly, with my name on the front. I immediately recognize Hayes’ writing. I run my thumb over the pen strikes as my world kind of stands still for a moment.

When I open this, it’s going to say one of two things. He’s either telling me good news or bad news. Of course, I hope it’s good news, but I’m so scared he’s over trying with me that I can’t face it right now. Not until I’m settled in bed and have the comfort of a weighted blanket over my body.

So I get Betty set up, laying her bed on the floor next to me with a ton of soft blankets. I tried to get her to jump up on the bed and sleep with me, but she was having none of it. Maybe once she gets more comfortable, she will. And, let’s be honest, after spending months in a barn, she isn’t the cleanest. The bedsheets are probably better off.

Once she’s down and snoring quite loudly, I hold the little note in my hand and flip it over and over between my fingers. I smell it, for some weird reason, but it just smells like paper. Not sure why I thought I’d be able to smell him on it. I take a deep breath and start to unfold it. I do it painfully slowly, annoying myself. But then it’s open, and his handwriting is carefully scrawled across the page.

Hey Firefly,

This little note is just that… little. There are so many things I want to say to you, but I don’t want to write them down. I want to tell you to your face. But more than that, I want your permission to do so. I know I’m the one that told you I needed space, a moment to breathe, and so I know it’s up to me to come to you. And I want to — I will.

But I need you to be okay with that first, because I know I hurt you, and I don’t know if you’re ready to have this talk.

If you are, just shoot me a text, and I’ll come running.

If you aren’t, just ignore this, and I’ll try again soon.

I’ll try again and again until you’re ready.

I’m done with the space, River. I don’t need space from you. I just need you.

- Hayes

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