Page 63 of Untamed

“He’d follow you to Bozeman if you asked him.”

“He would.” I finish cleaning the last bit of the stall and then close the gate. “But that’s not where I want to be. And I don’t want him leaving the ranch when this place needs the help.”

“I’m hoping once Dean comes back things will ease up a little.” She closes her eyes and leans her head back. “Rhett is so stressed about money because so much of it is going to Dean’s treatment. Once that’s freed up, maybe we can actually hire on some people.”

“Has he said how many he needs?” I ask her. “I remember when I was a kid, this place probably had double the amount of people working on it. I’m surprised it’s still keeping its head above water.”

“He hasn’t said. But I know he needs a lot of help. He keeps saying just a couple more months before Dean is out, and things should get better.” She shrugs and looks back over at me. “I know it’ll be fine. He won’t let this place go under, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t stressed as hell about it.

“And,” she continues, “we have more animals coming this week.”

“How many?”

“Few dogs, a couple cats that will be fixed and made into barn cats, and some livestock. I think he said he’s got a couple of horses coming, too.”

“Why does he keep taking them in? Surely he could just put a pause to the rescue side of things for a while until he gets his feet back under him.”

“He could. But that, to him, is like letting Addie down.” She shrugs. “And he won’t do that.”

Talk of Addie makes my chest hurt. Every time she gets brought up, I can feel the stress of keeping this secret from Hayes just wrap around my stomach like a vise grip. I’m so tired of being anxious all the time. I have to man up and spit it out.

Betty comes up to me, nudging my leg with her nose. She’s out walking around on her long lead. We put a stake in the middle of the barn to start letting her get used to bigger spaces, and she’s really taken to it. Her tail wags, and she sniffs every little scent she can find. We’ve slowly introduced other dogs to her one day at a time, and she’s not once acted aggressively.

She’s less skittish and seems to warm up to people much faster than she had been. Even the kids have been back — heavily supervised — and she lets them love all over her. It’s finally looking like she’s ready to come home with me. I’m just not sure which home that’s going to be.

I’ve been staying at Hayes’ house every night, only going home to get clothes when I need them. Mom has noticed but doesn’t really care as long as the money is still coming in. The creditors are slowly backing off, and getting those bills down is finally taking some weight off my shoulders. But thinking about taking Betty there, setting her up to live in that house… I just don’t like it.

I’m not sure I trust Mom to be around her when I can’t be there. I’ll be able to take Betty into work with me at the vet’s office, but once I go to the bar, she’ll have to stay home. And Mom has never been an animal person. On top of that, she’s too depressed to even care about her own daughter, so there’s no way she’s going to take care of a dog.

But I know that I can’t take her to Hayes’. Not yet.

“Hey, baby girl.” I squat down and give her kisses. “Are you enjoying your new freedom?”

“Think you might take her with you soon?” Poppy asks hopefully.

“Soon.” I sigh. “I just—”

“Need to have a conversation with Hayes,” she finishes for me.

I nod.

“I’m not pushing you to do anything you aren’t ready for. I’m really not, River.” She reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder. “But the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to get.”

“I should’ve just told him when we first hashed things out. When he was apologizing to me, I should’ve taken my turn.” Something catches Betty’s nose, and she trots off in search of it. I stand back up and rest my head against the wall. “But I was too caught up in being friends with him again and just wanting to be around him that I couldn’t make myself speak.”

“You know, Rhett told me Hayes brought it up.”

“When?” My stomach falls through the floor, my gut twisting and turning.

“He said they were talking about it that morning when you came over while they built the deck. Hayes had told them he was head over heels but that there was just something in the back of his mind bugging him about how you never showed up for Addie.”

“Shit.”

“He blames himself, you know.” Her smile is sad. “He thinks that he made you feel so much hatred for him and made you feel so uncomfortable that you couldn’t even bear to come home for her funeral.”

Fuck.

That pulls my heart out of my chest and stomps on it.

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