Page 45 of Untamed

“I always thought I was just the right amount.”

I shove him playfully and squirm out of his grip. I dip down under the water again, smoothing my hair back and appreciating the cool water on my face. God, I miss this. You don’t get this kind of living in the city.

“You remember dancin’ just over there?” he asks, gesturing off in the distance through the trees.

I hum.

“I thought we were close to where we used to practice.” I swim back over to him. “That on purpose, Mr. Black?”

I’m teasing him, even though there’s a part of me that really hopes that’s true, that maybe he was thinking about me all these years just like I was thinking about him. It seems silly to hope that maybe he was carrying a torch for me or something.

But then he tugs me close and looks at me as he shrugs. His eyes have gone all soft and sweet, making my stomach flip-flop.

“Pops asked where I wanted to build…what piece of land I wanted. And we have so much of it, and you know, I left for a while and never really fit in here like Rhett and Wells do. Hell, even Dean fits in better than I do when he’s sober and home. So I think he thought I’d want to be as far away as possible.”

“You could’ve gone off in the woods.” I play with the ends of his hair at the base of his neck. “I remember you talking about becoming a forest recluse, hidden away in the foothills of the mountains. Only coming out for work.”

“And Momma’s cookin’,” he adds. “I thought about it. But I like this little piece of land. I can walk to Rhett’s and Momma’s. And you’re here.”

“I’m here now,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Wasn’t here when you built it.”

“You were always here, River,” he says. “In the stream, on the land. You were sittin’ on the front porch when I came home from work and making your cobbler on Sunday afternoons in the kitchen. You were out back next to the fire pit, making s’mores with the kids. You were everywhere, River. Always have been. Only place I couldn’t find you was in my bed.”

His smile turns ornery as hell.

“Stop that.” I grab his face and really look at him, my eyes searching his. “Don’t cheapen all that sweet stuff like that. Do you mean that? Or are those just pretty words to get you back in my good graces?”

“Is it so hard to believe that I wanted you back in my life?” His arms wrap even tighter around me, keeping me flush against him. “From the second you walked away, I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted you back as soon as you walked out of my sight.”

“Then why not come get me?” I’m trying hard not to let my emotions get the best of me, but as I look into his sincere blue eyes, I struggle to keep them under control. Things could have been so different if he had just come after me.

“I don’t want to make excuses for myself, River. But I was young and stupid. I was angry and shocked that you just walked away. And not only that, but you avoided me all summer and then ran to the city. By the time I got my head out of my ass, you were gone.”

“You should’ve moved faster,” I grumble, laying my head on his shoulder. His laughter vibrates through me as I snuggle closer, and he spins us slowly in the water.

“I came to find you, ya know.” He’s speaking so low I think I mishear him at first.

“To the city?”

“Mhm,” he hums. “I didn’t tell anyone. Just took off a few months after you did. Asked your sister where you were living, and she very reluctantly gave up your address.”

“Janie?” I pull back for a second and look at him. “She spoke to you? She never told me.”

“Swore her to secrecy,” he says, winking at me before gently cradling my head back to his shoulder. “Anyway, I drove all those hours to see you, rehearsing what I was gonna say the entire time.”

“Oh, do tell.”

“It’s been a while. I can’t really remember it all, but there was a lot of begging involved. A lot of begging. Groveling, actually. Being on my knees while I asked you over and over again to forgive me and come home.”

We both laugh, and I try to imagine what it would’ve been like to have him chase after me. Would I have forgiven him? Gone back home with him? I think I would have. No matter how angry I still was back then, I think I would’ve followed him home without a second thought.

Back then, I was too young to realize that a man doesn’t have to be your entire world just because you love him. It’s possible to love someone and still have your own life with your own experiences, and I think I would’ve missed out on a lot had he gone through with it. Maybe we had to become different people to fit our pieces together.

“What happened?” I ask, curious as to what stopped him.

“I parked outside your apartment, and I sat there for a while. A very long while.” He chuckles. “I think I was there for hours, just waiting and trying to decide what I was going to do. And then, you walked out. Your hair was pulled up in this wild, messy knot on top of your head, and you were in sweats, and…I don’t know. You looked sad, River.”

Not surprising. I was in a city where I didn’t know anyone, and I had just had my heart broken by the man I loved for over half my life. Those first few months, or year rather, were an uphill climb. I had to start fresh, make all new friends, and be okay with living by myself and being alone. It was a lot for an eighteen-year-old to manage.

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