Page 18 of Untamed

“He definitely was.” I sigh. “You know, I was just as close to Addie as I was to Hayes and the rest of the clan. And when she died, no one told me.”

“Oh, River.”

She lays her hand on my arm and gives it a squeeze. It does anything but comfort me. The tears threaten to overflow, and I swallow at the pain in my throat. I have to force myself to take a deep breath and keep going.

“My mom called me the day of the funeral, after she got home from it.” I sniff and wipe my nose and cheeks. I’m a mess. “By the time I packed my shit and raced here, it was nine o’clock, and Hayes wasn’t around. I went straight to the ranch, but he wasn’t there.

“I talked to his parents for a while, telling them I didn’t know, that no one had told me. I didn’t even know how sick she had gotten. And, of course, Katherine and Clyde being the people they are forgave me instantly. Told me there was nothing to apologize for. I helped Katherine clean the kitchen and talked to Wells and Rhett about all the good times we had with Addie.”

“And Hayes?” Poppy asks me. “Where was he?”

“Drunk as a skunk in the bar,” I tell her on a sigh. “They told me he ran off after the funeral, and both Rhett and Wells had tried to get him home but couldn’t.”

“Does he know you came?”

“No. You can’t tell him. Please don’t. I made everyone promise not to tell him.”

“No, of course. I wouldn’t.”

“He wouldn’t have wanted me to see him like that.”

“So you went? To the bar?” She turns fully toward me, sitting crisscross applesauce as she leans in closer.

I nod. “I thought maybe I could get him to go home. I was ready to throw all that shit that happened behind us. There was no room for anger or hurt feelings when Addie had just died.”

“But when I got there,” I continue, “he was blackout drunk, Poppy. He was in the worst shape of his life. When I pulled into the parking lot, he was sitting on the sidewalk, hunched over and passed out cold against the wall of the bar. My headlights flashed across him and the pile of vomit he was sitting next to, and my heart just plummeted.”

“Oh, my god. There was no one there helping him? He was just left there?” She looks horrified.

“I’m sure he told them all off, and I found out later that they had called his parents, but I texted Wells when I got there and told them I would get him home. So I slapped him around a bit to wake him up and almost fell over a dozen times trying to get him in my Jeep.”

“But you said he doesn’t know you were there. Was he that drunk? He didn’t remember?”

“He thought he was dreaming or hallucinating. That’s all I could make out, honestly. That, and him profusely apologizing for everything he said. But it was mostly just garbled English. And when we made it back to the ranch after stopping only twice for vomit, Clyde and Rhett carried him up the stairs while Wells got him set up for a rough night.”

“Wow.” She leans back on her hands and looks out over the fields. “That’s intense as hell, River.”

“It’s a mess, is what it is.”

“Why didn’t you hang around the next day? See him and try to work it out?”

“Finals.” I shrug and tell her the other half of that truth. “Fear.”

“Finals, I understand. Fear? He obviously had, and still has, great love for you. I can’t imagine him turning you away the day after his sister’s funeral. No matter how bad the blood was between you two.”

“No, he wouldn’t have. But I was scared. I was still embarrassed, and I didn’t think I could face what had gone on between us while both of us were mourning the loss of Addie.” I groan and lie back in the grass. “It’s selfish. I am a selfish asshole. But it was too much!” I shout to the sky. Betty jumps a little but promptly falls back asleep. “It was too fucking much, Poppy.”

“Hey.” Poppy leans over to look at me. “There was a lot going on, and you were mourning a good friend. Not wanting to hash out whatever had happened between you and Hayes in that moment does not make you selfish. He had a great support system, and while I think he would’ve loved to see you, I think he would also understand why you left.”

I throw my arms over my face, fighting the second onslaught of tears.

“He’s going to hate me when he finds out.”

“He’s a good guy, River.” She pulls my arms away from my face. “He won’t hate you. And I think maybe it’s time you guys try to heal. There’s something there, and I think it would be a shame to lose that love. Whether or not it’s as friends or something more. I just think it might be worth working through.”

She’s right. I know she’s right. So I nod because I don’t trust my voice. She lies down next to me, and I take a deep, calming breath.

“Thank you,” I tell her.

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