Page 17 of Untamed

“I was in love with him.” The words just burst out of me.

“Okay, yeah, I kind of assumed that.” She smirks over at me.

“Well, okay. I may have told him and…”

“And he didn’t respond well?” She moves to stand in front of me while Betty takes a break to sniff around.

“Not at all. I was delusional, I guess? I thought there was something there.” I sigh and try not to look at her. “ We were best friends, spent every waking moment together. And sometimes even the non-waking hours. I swear there was something there. We danced all the time, he sang his songs to me on the back porch, and we took long drives together talking about everything we wanted to do in life. And he looked at me, ya know?”

“What did he say? When you told him?”

“Well, he stood there like a fucking idiot for a hot minute.” We exchange a look and laugh. “And then he just told me he didn’t feel the same way.”

“In those words exactly?”

“You’re digging for something you’re not gonna find,” I tell her. “Yes, those words exactly. He didn’t feel the same way and would never want to ruin the friendship by going there.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. I was mortified. I think I literally ran away from him that day.” I laugh through the pain of rehashing all of this. “Like literally bolted.”

“And you just left? Never spoke to him again?”

“No, no. I mean, that’s a huge part of what’s going on between us because I told him I loved him, and I was more than mortified. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never leave. God, do you know how embarrassing it is to be turned down by your best friend?”

“I can imagine. But I can’t imagine running from it for the rest of my life. Unless…something else happened?”

“I was a late bloomer. Like, really late.”

“Hey! Same!” She holds her hand up, and we do a stupid high five before we start walking again.

“Please don’t judge me. When you said you didn’t really have any close friends, it made me realize that I didn’t really either. And I’d hate to lose it.”

“Girl, I would never,” she assures me. “This happened years ago. Spill.”

“I was a virgin. I was eighteen, and I was a virgin. Meanwhile, Hayes was out there fucking any girl in town that would let him get near her. I swear to god that guy had more notches in his belt than the belt was long.”

“Shocker,” Poppy murmurs.

“Anyway, I was young and stupid and determined not to go to college with my V card still intact. Who wants to still be a virgin in college?” We pause and plop down on the grass, giving Betty a break to sunbathe. “Although, looking back, I would’ve preferred it over the mess I created.”

“What did you do?” She looks over at me like I’m about to tell her the juiciest piece of gossip she’s ever heard.

“Well, I went out and fucked the first person I could find.”

“Okay…? Why’s that so bad?”

“It was someone Hayes knew. Not, like, a best friend or anything. But in a town this small, everyone knows everyone. And he did not take it well.”

“Why? That was none of his business. One, he turned you down. And two, as a friend, he should’ve been supportive.”

I shrug. “He was pissed. He said some shit that was not okay, and I avoided him like the plague for the rest of the summer. August came, and I moved to the city without saying goodbye.”

“Did he even try to talk to you? At all?”

“Nope.” I shake my head. “I thought he would. So I hid away in my room all freaking summer. And believe me, if you knew my mom, you’d know that it was miserable for me to do so.”

“What a prick.”

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