‘That’s not true.’
‘You think I didn’t already have the idea for my invention when she got sick? I did nothing with it. I could have sold it and got us the hell out of there. But I did nothing. I held on to it until it could make me money and the cost, Lily, was my mother’s life. That’s why I need unparalleled success for IRES. I sacrificed my mother, and I need that loss to mean something.’
‘You were just a child, Julian. You can’t take that on yourself. You were surviving as best you could.’ Silent tears trickled down Lily’s cheeks. His voice was so lifeless. Hollow.
‘That first time he beat her was after they got into an argument over me.’
Lily stopped breathing. She was certain he had never said those words to anyone before. Wondered how often he had dwelled on it. So much heartache. It wasn’t fair for one person to carry this much.
She shifted on the bed, nuzzling his ear with her nose, and was rewarded with the smallest of smiles. ‘It wasn’t your fault—you hear me?’ she said adamantly.
She would keep saying it until he believed it. Even when whatever they were to each other came to an end.
He didn’t respond.
They were quiet for a long time. She would have thought him asleep had it not been for his fingers, rubbing lazy circles on her skin.
‘And this?’ She touched the gold ring in his helix, hoping he would keep talking.
That got a bigger smile out of Julian. ‘A little bit of rebellion,’ he said.
‘Oh?’
‘I quickly learnt the best way to avoid my stepfather was not to be at home, so as soon as I had grown enough I got a job after school, working at a tattoo and piercing shop. I was underage, but I was tall and sufficiently well-built enough to pass for older, and they paid me in cash. I saved every penny for my escape. Whether it was going to be through college or another way, I was determined to get out.’
‘But you held on until the scholarship came through?’
‘I did. I knew it would be the most permanent way to leave, and besides, I was due to graduate early.’
‘So when did you get the piercing?’
‘Shortly after my mother died. I knew he would hate it. I wouldn’t have dared before then...’
‘In case he took it out on her.’ Lily finished for him.
Julian nodded. ‘I wanted him to dare him to do something about it, but by that point he could do nothing against me. The shop used to get some really rough types coming through, so they taught me how to fight enough to make anyone think twice about causing trouble. They didn’t realise that they were helping me with my stepfather too.’
His jaw clenched and a look of utter desolation crossed his face. Whatever thought he’d just had, it was obviously agonising.
‘I like it,’ she said.
‘You do, do you?’
‘Yes, but I have been wondering...’
‘Why don’t I just take it out and fit in?’
There he went—reading her mind again. ‘Yes.’
‘I don’t want to fit in, Lily. This little thing—’ he flicked the earring ‘—is a constant reminder of where I came from.’
Lily understood then. The suits were his armour, but they covered up his reminders. The earring, though, was unmissable. Any time he caught his reflection he would be reminded of who and what he was. So would everyone who encountered him. He wasn’t part of their world. He wasn’t spoilt and entitled. He hadn’t been raised with privilege. Julian had fought. He’d fought for everything he had. Earned it.
His reputation said ‘ruthless’, but his appearance told every one of those Zenith businessmen that he was something different. Dangerous. Because he could surpass them even having come from nothing.
Lily kissed his jaw, and when he turned to look at her she kissed him with all the passion he brought out in her. Trying to be a balm for his soul. Wanted to tell him she accepted him. But she didn’t know how he would react to that, so instead she kept kissing him. Gliding her tongue along his. Enjoying the sounds he made as he pressed their bodies together.
He needed to be broken out of his cage, and after all that he’d told her she was adamant that she would be the one to do it. Not because he needed fixing, but because he deserved to live a life free of the weight he carried.