Page 70 of Their Diamond Ring Ruse

‘Thank you.’

He wanted to reach for her, but didn’t think she would appreciate that after the way he had behaved, so he took a deep breath instead.

‘There was once a boy who knew only darkness and grief and pain. He was told he was brilliant, but all he felt was hopelessness. Each day was the same. Each day he had to fight that same darkness until he was consumed by it. He didn’t know if he was still fighting it or if it was inside him any more, so he grew up trying his best. But with each passing day hate and pain were the only things that grew. Eventually whatever light was left in him was extinguished and that left only darkness. And so he believed that was what he was...that he didn’t deserve the light.’

Lily was looking at him with a mix of concern and sympathy—and no small amount of anger. Not at him, though. He could tell. It was the same way she’d looked at him the night he’d told her about his past.

‘I wanted to send you away because I had to save you from my darkness,’ he told her. ‘Do you know why I call you Sunshine?’

Lily shook her head.

‘Because that’s exactly what you are. What you’ve always been. My sunshine. You bring light to my very dark life, Lily. You make me see a path...a life that I couldn’t see in that black void I lived in.’

‘You’re not filled with darkness, Julian,’ she said brokenly.

He ran his thumb down her cheek, giving her a sad smile. ‘Yes, I am. I’ve lost everything good in my life, so I was convinced that it was just a matter of time before I lost you too. The way I grew up...it was chaos. So I controlled everything. But you, Sunshine, bring order to my life—and yet at the same time the most beautiful chaos.’

Lily took a step towards him, closing the distance between them and he could have dropped to his knees.

‘I just wanted to give you a chance to live a happy life on your terms,’ he said. ‘To save you from me. So that day, when I told you I would make sure Lincoln paid for hurting you, I started looking into him and I dug up a lot of dirt.’

Lily’s eyes turned hard. But he was prepared for that.

‘I told you not to do anything you’d regret,’ she said.

‘I know you did. So I sat on that information until the morning when I knew you had to go. I called Lincoln and told him I would use what I’d found if IRES didn’t get the Arum deal.’

‘You didn’t need to do that,’ she said in a hard tone.

‘I didn’t think I would have a chance with them after I sent you away. I didn’t care about the deal anymore, but I knew you wouldn’t leave me in the lurch. But we had an agreement, so the only way I could get you to leave was to get that contract. I did what I thought I had to.’

‘Why didn’t you just talk to me?’ she asked.

‘Because I wanted the best for you and I didn’t think it was me.’

She scrunched her fingers in her ponytail and he watched her trying to sort through everything he’d told her.

‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ she said.

‘I know.’

‘I wish you had talked to me about this, Julian. After we saw Vincent I blamed myself for pushing you too hard. But all I wanted was for you to get closure.’

‘I needed that push, because you were right. But what he said was everything I had already said to myself. All the reasons I hated myself.’

‘I wish you could see yourself clearly,’ she said, her eyes welling up. ‘I wish you could stop punishing yourself and live.’

‘I want to—but I can’t do this alone. Living instead of surviving. I thought I could, but I need you. You’re my light when everything in me is just the darkest night. You give me hope that I can be a better man. Maybe even a good man. I love you, but I don’t know how to do this.’

‘You love me?’

Her tears finally fell free, cutting him to the quick. Julian took her face in his hands. He should have told her every moment of every day that he loved her.

‘Yes! With everything I am. I want to protect you, and care for you, and take a ridiculous number of trips to France with you, and sit at that table—’ he pointed to the spot where they had shared a meal on their second date ‘—eating dessert with you.’

* * *

‘Julian...’ Lily let out a sob. She loved him too. Had never stopped—not once in these long weeks.

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