Page 79 of A Minute More

Nothing is not a good word. Nothing is…nothing.

I’m not sure I could bear that.

Wordlessly, Simon pulls off his clothes and settles in bed under the covers, wearing just his underwear. I ogle him the entire time, not sure why that man hides all those lean muscles under those stuffy old man clothes.

“You’re staring.”

“Duh.”

I don’t waste any time and strip down, sliding in next to him. He smells like smoke and the night air, and still, he’s just as potent as he always is. His head turns toward me, and I reach out and stroke his cheek.

I watch as those dark eyes flutter shut and his nostrils flare. How had I ever found anyone else attractive when Simon existed? How did I ever want anyone else? I don’t know. All I know is Simon is the one I want.

“Your family is lovely,” he says after a moment, my hand now in his hair, massaging his scalp.

“They’re a little much, but thanks for the compliment.”

“No, you’re so lucky,” he adds, and then his eyes open and he meets my stare. “You have so many people who love you.”

I swallow, feeling his loss, knowing that he doesn’t have what I do. I’m so fucking lucky. I know this. I’ve always taken them for granted, but now, in this moment, I realize how fucking selfish I’ve been.

“I am. I know. You can have them too…they’re yours now too. They all loved you.”

“But I’m leaving.” His voice is tinged with sadness. “I won’t be here in a few months.”

I hate that, hate that pretty soon he’ll be so damn far away, in a big city, leaving me behind.

What about me, Simon? What about me?

But I don’t ask it. I swallow it down and keep it hidden within me. I don’t want to hold him back. Simon’s some kind of robotics genius, and I’m just a…I don’t know what I am. Right now I’m nothing more than a dude who works at a sandwich shop in a small town in Iowa. That’s all I am.

I know Simon could find someone better.

Someone worthy.

“What’s that look for?” he asks, and I shrug, turning my face so I’m staring at the ceiling of my childhood room. Small glow-in-the-dark stars shine down on us and a memory of me and my sister putting them up filters through my brain. She was just a toddler then and my hands had gripped her chubby thighs as I held her in my arms, her little hands reaching up to stick them on.

“You’re upset.”

I don’t answer, running a hand down my face. “Yeah, it sucks that you’re going away so soon…that I’ll be here and you’ll be hours away.”

“You could—” he pauses and then says softly, “You could move there with me. You could take your time and figure out what you want to do…you could…we could be roommates.”

Neither of us says anything for a minute, my brain trying to process it all. I’ve only known Simon for a couple months and we’ve only been whatever we are for a few weeks. I don’t know what the fuck he’s thinking. I can’t move several counties over for him.

Can I?

“We barely know each other,” I say, and Simon sighs.

“I’m getting a house anyway. It wouldn’t be any trouble.”

This is insanity, and yet part of me considers it. I don’t have anything here. Not really. My job is mediocre, and I don’t have any major commitments. The only thing I really have is my friends and even then, I could visit. Or they could come to me. But there’s still so much I don’t know about Simon. So much he won’t tell me.

“It’s crazy. I know. You can forget I said anything,” Simon mutters, and I turn to look at him, my fingers linking with his.

“It is crazy. It’s so fucking nuts. We just met…just started. I can’t move across the state for you.”

He pulls his lips between his teeth and blinks before turning over on his side, his back to me. I can feel this distance between us, can feel how rejected he feels, and I want to do nothing but comfort him.

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