Page 64 of A Kiss at Midnight

Chapter Thirty-Six

Jewel

I somehow make it backto my apartment building. After stumbling into my front hall, I take extra time to fasten all of the locks on my door. Not that the strongest lock will keep Blake out, especially since the man has the keys to the apartment, but the symbolism of doing it makes me feel immeasurably better. I head to my room and fall onto the bed, where I know I’ll lie awake for hours without the possibility of sleep.

Haven’t I promised Justin I’ll get him back any way I can? Yes. So why in the world am I balking at the idea of marriage? It’s selfish of me, and I know it. My brother is the only one who matters. He’s the reason I’ve done all of this, the reason I propositioned Blake in the first place. I’m not blaming my brother... not at all. I’m an adult, and I’ve made my choices. I had a wonderful life while growing up. It’s time for my brother to have the same privilege.

I toss and turn the entire day and night, and when I finally find a few minutes of peaceful slumber, nightmares of my brother being dragged away wake me. At the crack of dawn, when my chances of more sleep have hit nil, I give up.

I can continue to fight Blake, but he’ll win. He has power, and I have none. This seems to be the way of the world for the haves and the have-nots. It’s why he isn’t worried about my answer. That he told me he’ll give me time to think is almost amusing. It’s like giving a starving animal a choice on whether to eat or not. No matter how distrustful they might be, they’ll eventually take the food that’s being handed to them... even if it’s filled with poison.

I should call Blake now and tell him he’s won. But the defiant part of me decides to put it off for a little while. Maybe I’m holding out hope he’ll change his mind, that he’ll help without us having to marry. But, I know it’s not going to happen. In the short amount of time I’ve known Blake, I’ve come to realize that once he decides on something, he considers it done.

I don’t want to end this with him anyway. I might hate relying on him, but as much as I want to despise the man, I don’t. This is more about me wanting to be independent, more about getting choices in my unstable life.

The last time Blake ended things, it didn’t work out too well for me. It’s only made me take longer to get my brother back. I climb from bed, wander into my kitchen, and impatiently watch coffee drip into the pot. This morning ritual gives me a measure of comfort, which might be slightly pathetic.

When the coffee’s ready, I add a nice splash of flavored cream, and sit in the living room gazing at one of the soulless, impersonal art pieces hanging on the stark white walls. How have I fallen so far? I went from a college graduate with a great job, to a pathetic creature who has a difficult time looking at myself in the mirror.

My doorbell rings and I sigh. I thought I’d have longer to make this choice. I set my coffee cup down and move to the door. When I open it, I’m shocked to see Tyler, Blake’s youngest brother, standing before me. Before I’m able to say a word, he flashes a big smile and pulls me in for a hug.

“Hi. I’ve missed ya, Jewel.” His affection fills me with warmth. I need friends.

Tyler’s certainly as good-looking as his brother, with wide shoulders, dark, slightly messy hair, and a dimple in his cheek that gives him a boyish charm that neither of his brothers come close to possessing. He’s also the first to smile and show his emotions, whereas Blake and the other Astor brother, Byron, make a point of playing everything close to the vest.

All three brothers are far more handsome than is good for them, or the poor females who happen to stumble into their paths. And what makes it harder to resist is the command, the raw strength that radiates from them in waves. There’s something about a man who knows exactly who he is that makes a woman want to give him anything and everything he could ever possibly desire.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I took a chance you’d be home,” he says. “My brother likes to keep you all to himself, but I decided to pop in for a little unannounced visit. That way you can’t turn me away.” He pauses as he sniffs the air. “Is that fresh coffee I smell?” Without waiting for an invitation, he walks inside and makes his way to my kitchen.

I follow and find him rummaging through my cupboards for a mug. He grabs my empty cup and pours fresh coffee for both of us. Smiling, I add cream to mine and lead Tyler to the kitchen table.

“Don’t you have work or something more important to do than sit around and chat with me, Tyler?”

“I like visiting with you, but even more importantly I need information,” he says.

“What information?” I question, though I’m sure I know his answer.

“We can trade small talk all day, Jewel, but why don’t we cut to the chase and you can tell me why you were gone for a month, why my brother was a bear during that month, and why you now have crater-sized dark circles beneath your eyes?” He softens the interrogation with a wink and a grin. My smile vanishes while he speaks.

“Your brother can answer all of these questions,” I tell him with a brittle laugh.

Tyler reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I’m not asking Blake. I’m asking you.”

I’m so close to tears that I have to turn my head away. If only I had a single friend I could talk to. If I did, maybe I wouldn’t be feeling this insane urge to spill my guts to Blake’s brother. But it’s so difficult to hold everything in when he’s looking at me with these openly friendly eyes of his.

“It’s complicated,” I finally say.

“I’m not going to pretend that I understand everything, Jewel, but I’ve been able to tell from the first moment I met you that you’re a truly good person. And though I love my brother very much, I know he can sometimes give people the wrong impression of who he is. There’s a long story there, but it isn’t my place to tell it.”

“You two are so different from each other,” I say. I’m avoiding his questions, but I’m also curious how Tyler is so full of joy while Blake seems like the weight of the world rests on his shoulders.

“Some people — maybe most of us — have lousy childhoods, but let me tell you that ours was a doozy. I was too young to be affected as badly as Blake and Byron were by the disasters of our past. As I got older and saw the hell they were going through, I decided I had a choice of being happy or being angry like they were. I much prefer happiness.”

“I had an incredible childhood. My mother was amazing.”

“You’re very lucky. I consider myself lucky too. I have two brothers who’d do anything for me. I have friends as well.” He pauses another long moment. “Sometimes it really does help to get things off your chest, and to talk to someone. I want to be your friend.”

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