Page 46 of A Kiss at Midnight

What a relief! I can easily steal away, visit my brother, and be back home in plenty of time without him ever knowing I went anywhere. I can visit Saturday or Sunday, which has been a blessing during my time with Blake. I haven’t made a pattern that’s made him suspicious.

He has zero trust in me, and he can break this off at any point if he thinks I’m fooling around on him. He won’t know I’m gone today, though. Gathering my purse, and leaving my phone off, I walk from the apartment feeling lighter and happier than I have in weeks.

Justin will never understand if I can’t come see him. I impatiently wait at a nearby bus stop and don’t take my first full breath until I’m out of sight of the ritzy apartment building. It takes an hour, but I finally reach the home my brother’s staying at, and, putting on a big smile, I knock on the door. It seems to take an eternity, but when the door finally opens, I can barely resist pushing past the foster mother to get to my brother.

“Is Justin ready for our visit?”

“He’s not feeling well today,” the woman says, her eyes cold.

I hate that Justin has to live here, and my determination grows stronger as I stand on the woman’s threshold. “Then I’ll visit with him here,” I say. I’m not leaving.

“I don’t know if today works.”

“I’m not asking for your opinion,” I tell her. “The state’s given me visitation on the weekends and Iwillsee my brother.”

I look her in the eyes, making it clear I won’t back down. With a deep scowl, the woman opens the door wider, and I don’t hesitate to step inside.

“Justin,” I call, and the sound of my brother’s feet running down the hallway is the sweetest music I’ve heard. Bracing myself for impact, I easily pull him into my arms, and he clings to me, holding me as if he’ll never let go. Soon, this will happen daily.

“They said you might not come today,” Justin says when he finally lets go.

“Nothing on this earth can keep me away from you on our special days,” I assure him, too angry to look at the woman scowling at us. He isn’t sick — clearly, she was lying. Why? Probably because she’s a bitter, sadistic woman who wants to use my brother for the measly paycheck the state gives her. I’m taking him away from this woman soon. He needs to be with his sister who adores him.

“That’s great — I missed you. Are we going to the pizza place?”

“You bet we are, Bubby. We have three hours, and we’re going to have the best time ever.” I move to the coat closet and pull out his ratty jacket. I can’t wait until he’s living with me, and I have the money to give him the things he needs and wants. I already bought him some clothes, but they came up missing after he got them.

I know there are some great foster homes out there, but many terrible ones as well. I’m saving and saving so the day I get him back we’ll shop for new things. He’ll never feel alone again, never feel abandoned. I’ll save my brother... and this will save me as well.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Sissy. I’ve had a bad week,” he says, his eyes filling with tears.

“Why has your week been bad?” The two of us head to the door, not even acknowledging Justin’s foster mother as we pass her and leave the house.Foster?Now that’s a sick joke as she doesn’t know the first thing about encouraging or developing the kids in her care. It’s almost as sick as themotherpart of her name.

“Ms. Penny says I’ve been misbehaving too much, so she made me stay in my room for two whole days only coming out to use the bathroom,” he says.

“Oh, Justin, that’s not okay. I’ll talk to your social worker.” I struggle to moderate my voice so I won’t upset him more than he already is.

“I was crying for you the other night, and she told me to shut up, said I needed to start acting like a man, not a crybaby. I try not to cry, but sometimes I miss you so much.” His voice quiets, but his little fingers tremble in mine.

I stop and kneel on the sidewalk to see my brother’s face, so he can see mine. “Sometimes emotions are too much for us to bear and we have to release them. Never let anyone tell you what you’re feeling isn’t real. If you have to cry, you do it, and know in a few more weekends we’re going to be together for always and not only for a few hours at a time.” I give him another hug.

“You promise, Sissy. I don’t want to be at Ms. Penny’s house anymore. She’s so mean — nothing like how mama was.”

“I promise you no matter what I have to do, I’ll get you out of there, and you’ll come live with me. You have to give it a little more time and be my brave little man, but not for much longer.”

“I know I’m supposed to be brave, but it’s so hard...” He stops speaking when his voice chokes up.

“Youarebrave, Justin. Keep holding your head high, and know that I’m doing whatever it takes for us to be together. I have a job, areallygood job, and an apartment, and I’m saving lots of money so we can be together, where we can put up pictures of Mom, and where, if you need to cry, you can without any fear of being made fun of. We’re a family, and that means we stick together. No one can keep us apart for long, Bubby.”

“I know. I say a prayer every night, asking God to let me come home with you. Why does it take so long for Him to answer my prayer?”

My heart breaks in so many pieces, I don’t think it will be healed again. My eyes fill, and a tear falls down my cheek, which I quickly wipe away. “Sometimes it takes a little longer because there are so many people who need so much, but you haven’t been forgotten — I promise.”

Despite my reassurance, Justin falls silent, perhaps afraid that too much talking will betray his emotion. He holds on tight until we begin walking. I have to keep my promise, no matter what it means for me, and no matter what will come next. I can’t let my brother down.

The rest of our visit is wonderful. My little brother comes to life as we have pizza, and he laughs and tells me about school, which is going well. He’s always been super smart, and though his grades took a dip after our mother died, I convince him that concentrating on school will help him focus on something happy instead of the overwhelming sadness that’s swamped us both since we became orphans.

We eat and play, and even have time to stop at the park where we race down the slide, swing as high as we can, launch ourselves off to land in the soft sand, and get the spinner going so fast we both walk sideways for a while. My heart bleeds when I have to take him back to the terrible foster house. We hug for long minutes before the woman has enough and drags him inside.

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