Page 90 of A Kiss at Midnight

I don’t ask how she got into the house, but McKenzie shares anyway. “Elsa let me in an hour ago. I’ve been waiting for you to wake.”

“I love the days Elsa works,” I say. “Breakfast is so much better than the bowl of cereal I usually grab out of haste and laziness.” But why are we making small talk, I wonder, when it’s more than obvious that McKenzie has something important to say?

“I... I don’t know how to talk to you about this, Jewel,” she says, pausing and starting again as she looks down at the table. “I... crap, this is complicated.” This is a first. McKenzie’s never been afraid to meet my eyes.

“You know what they say about bad news, McKenzie — it’s better to spit it out and get it over with,” I tell her while gulping down coffee. From the way McKenzie’s acting, I have a feeling I’m going to need a lot more to get through whatever this is.

“Jewel, you know I care about you, don’t you?” McKenzie begins, and my stomach clenches.

“Blake wants a divorce, right?” I say, a false bravery in my tone.

“No, nothing like that,” McKenzie assures me.

“I’m not a fool, McKenzie. I’ve known all along this isn’t going to last forever. And you’ve been honest with me so far. That’s not always pleasant, but I know I can count on you to tell me the truth.”

“I promise you, Jewel, it’s not that,” McKenzie says again.

“Please just tell me, McKenzie. Your hemming and hawing around is only making whatever this is, worse.” I get a second cup of coffee for myself and refill McKenzie’s cup as well.

Maybe the nightmares I’m having are coming true. Maybe a person like me isn’t allowed to be too happy. I know Blake has been holding something back from me, so having McKenzie confirm my suspicions shouldn’t be so devastating, but as I wait for her to speak, I can’t breathe. No matter which way this goes, I’m going to suffer.

“It’s not about Blake wanting to leave you. That’s the last thing he’ll want to do. It’s just that...” McKenzie stops and looks at her hands again before she looks back up, sympathy in her eyes. “It’s time I tell you the truth... he... uh... he did something you won’t like...”

Chapter Review

Chapter Fifty-Two

Jewel

I blindly walk alongthe sidewalk, tears streaming down my cheeks. McKenzie had apologized profusely for not telling me sooner, then apologized again for telling me now. She told me it might be better not to know the truth. She told me it really doesn’t matter. But it does matter... It matters a lot.

It’s about my brother — my brother and Blake. Now I know why he waited a month to come back to me. He planned on getting me one way or the other... and he wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted. Why, though? Why me? Does he have to possess me no matter what it takes, by any means necessary, fair or unfair?

He went behind my back... and he’s now Justin’s legal... what? Legal father? He officially adopted him. He lied to me. I thought I still had a chance of gaining full control of my brother. But Blake used Justin so he could own me... and now I’ve lost my little brother to the man I can no longer give the benefit of the doubt to. This is my breaking point.

Has his deceit only been about great sex? Does he really want to possess me so badly that he’s willing to take away anything that matters to me in order to keep me? Doesn’t he know that all he had to do was offer me his love instead, and I’d be willing to stay forever?

Because Blake is Justin’s adoptive father, he’s the one with all the power. I have none. Even though Justin’s my brother, even though I love him more than any other person, I’ve lost all rights to him. The hardest part is knowing that Justin will live a much better life with Blake than with me. Blake can give him the world... and I can barely give him a roof over his head.

How have I been foolish enough to fall in love with Blake? I never really knew the man at all. Was anything he told me true? I doubt it. I don’t know anything anymore — except that I’m lost and feel more alone than ever before.

I’ve lost my brother, and it appears as if I’ve lost Blake too. I’ve lost him because this proves he’ll always do whatever it takes to win no matter who he hurts. Except that he’s never really been mine, so how can I lose what I never had?

I was his from almost the first day. Despair flows through me, and as I make my way back to the house I share with Blake and Justin, I have no idea what I’m going to do next.

I’ve been fighting for so long, but in the end, I have nothing to show for this fight. I can’t stay with Blake. It will kill me. When I arrive at Blake’s house — I no longer feel that it’s mine — I open the door and look inside. None of this is mine. I didn’t pick the house, didn’t buy the furniture, and I didn’t make it a home. No, I’m nothing more than a guest here.

When Blake comes around the corner, he has a smile on his lips, but it quickly vanishes when he sees my expression. I decide to push against my heartache and face him. There’s no point in dragging this out, in prolonging my agony. Neither one of us need an emotional meltdown.

“I was worried when I came home and you weren’t here,” he says as he wraps his arms around me and bends down to kiss me. When I don’t respond, he draws back, worry etched on his brow. He’s a fantastic actor.

I haven’t rehearsed what I’m going to say, so when the words come out, I’m as surprised as he is. “Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice is flat and distant. I watch his eyes as I say the words.

Something flashes in his gaze that tells me he knows exactly what I’m talking about. His confusion turns to realization... and then pride. And now, I know our marriage, which barely began, is over. I can’t believe my pain can get worse. It’s worse. I refuse to respond to my hurt though.

My brother legally belongs with him. No one can love Justin more than I do, but that doesn’t matter. I fought the courts... and I lost. The system just doesn’t care. Blake’s the one with money, and therefore he has all of the power, and he can provide a better life for Justin than I can. It’s very black and white, isn’t it?

I need to escape before I fall apart. I can’t do anything that will prevent me from getting visitation with my brother. I’ll have to go through Blake from here on out, and I’m not sure he’ll have mercy on me once I walk away from him. I thought I could do anything to keep Justin, but I have a breaking point. I can’t kill myself, and staying with a man who can’t love me will slowly kill me. I thought I could do it... I was wrong.

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