Page 5 of A Kiss at Midnight

“I’ve never had trouble getting my needs met, and anyway...” I say before getting interrupted as the waitress drops off our appetizers and drinks. I don’t get to complete the words as Mathew jumps right back in to speaking.

“Sometimes a man is just too damn busy. It might be worth your time to seek a professional service.”

“Sorry, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to a place like that,” I tell him. I’d say this even if Stanley wasn’t sitting here.

“Just trying to help. A happy man is much more fun to hang with,” Mathew says. “After my last divorce I decided I’d never marry again. And yes, Stanley, I understand that some people have great marriages, but I’ve been married four times now, and all I got out of each of those marriages was a lighter bank account and some gray hairs — hell, not even a T-shirt. A monumental waste of time and money.”

“Blake, ignore this crap,” Stanley says. “We’ve both been assholes for long enough and we don’t need escort services or to treat good women like whores.”

“Believe me, I’m not interested.” I pick up my drink and take a long swallow.

Mathew isn’t even a little bit annoyed at our reaction. “Fine. Fine. But I know you, Blake. You’ll think about it.”

The subject changes, and no further mention is made of needs being met. Still, though the night finishes on a good note, I’m restless by the time I arrive home. I might not want to go to an escort service, but I do have an itch that needs to be satisfied. The question is, what am I going to do about it? And how firm will Stanley be about at least one out of the three of us brothers being in a committed relationship?

I don’t like being backed into a corner, but I want this mall in our community. The question is: do I want it enough to jump through hoops? Do I want it enough to let a woman into my life? Maybe. It could be temporary. I smile. It could even be... pleasant... for a short while.

Chapter Review

Chapter Three

Jewel

The smell of bacon isn’tscenting the air. A fresh cup of coffee isn’t brewing. And there are certainly no birds chirping when I wake up. It’s another typical morning of darkness in a depressing city, and the ability to keep my head held high is becoming more and more difficult. It would be so easy to give up, to move back to Florida. I can’t do this to Justin though. None of this is his fault, and what kind of person would it make me to give up on him? A terrible person. I won’t do it.

No. I’m better than that. For brief moment I want to give up; I decide it’s all too much to endure... but the moment is already over... just as every other time I quit ends before I can blink. I have three months. As much as I want to break down and cry, as much as I want to curse the powers above for taking my mother, for interrupting my life, and for ruining me, I can’t.

If I give up, Justin won’t have anyone fighting for him. And my mother’s final words had been a plea for me to take care of my little brother. My mother had closed her eyes for the last time after I promised never to allow our family to break apart.

Mom had found peace in a world that had turned against her, a world that seemed no longer to care about any of us. As much as I want to take back the promise I gave her, I know I can’t. Today will be the day I find a new job, save every single dime I make, and then get a place with furniture, in a neighborhood with a good school.

Today I’ll start the life I promised my mother that Justin and I would live. True, it’s overwhelming — all the more so because everything had started out well for me for such a long time... only to crash and burn. I’m twenty-four, graduated from college two years ago, then landed a wonderful job with a firm in Miami, Florida where the execs told me I was a rising star. My life was supposed to be easy from that point on. It isn’t turning out to be so easy after all.

Maybe Justin and I can go back to the Sunshine State once he’s securely mine. I won’t be able to go back to the company I walked away from. They didn’t understand me leaving to come home and take care of my mother and little brother. As soon as I walked out their door, they forgot all about me. Like many out there, many who’ll stand in line to take my place, none of them will let something as insignificant as family come between them and their careers.

I’m too different from the sharks of the finance and business world. Family will always come first for me, and right now the only family I have left is Justin. I won’t fail him. I climb from bed and head into my claustrophobic bathroom that has a broken door.

My image in the mirror horrifies me. My hair looks as if a crew of hyperactive mice have made a nest and settled in overnight, tangling it and leaving it filled with filth. Streaks of dirt run down my sunken cheeks, and my clothes will surely have to be tossed.

Still, none of this is going to stand in my way — not today. I take a very short shower in lukewarm water, my hair feeling terrible with the dollar store shampoo. But I’m clean. I climb out, brush my hair as best as I can, and put on minimal makeup. My stomach rumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten in twenty-four hours. I’m losing far too much weight, but I can’t waste money on food. I take what I can get from local food kitchens in the city, and I’m dang lucky I haven’t gotten food poisoning so far.

No matter. I’ll have plenty of food for both my brother and me when I secure a new place. It won’t be fast food or cheap crap. Our mother was an excellent cook, and I truly loved standing next to her in front of our gas stove, taking in all she was doing.

Right now it doesn’t matter how good of a cook I am, since I don’t have time or a stove to prepare a meal on. Even if I have to give up sleep, I’ll soon have everything my brother and I need to live a decent life. I’m a soldier, and today I won’t stop until I have at least one job, hopefully two. I’ll work seven days a week, twenty hours a day if that’s what it takes.

I need new clothes, so I head to a local shelter I found a couple of weeks ago. I walk through the doors and sign in on the visitors’ sheet. It isn’t long before I manage to find a small bite to eat, and then find a halfway decent outfit from the communal clothing closet.

Next I sit down and begin flipping through the classified section of the newspaper. I’m not taking no for an answer today when it comes to a job. I’m going to walk in with confidence and force them to see what an asset I’ll be to any business lucky enough to have me come through their doors. No more refusals.

Overqualified.

Position already filled.

Come back once you have more experience.

Over and over, at each place, I’ve been refused employment. What good is my degree if I can’t use it? I can’t get a job as a secretary, because I’m overqualified; can’t get a job in an advertising agency, because I left the one I’d had after only two years. No one cares that I left because my mother had been terminally ill.

These heartless bastards seem to deem helping my mom as an unfortunate weakness on my part, a sad sign of unreliability. If I’ve walked out on a job once, I can easily do it again. The truth is that I will if I have to. I don’t regret sitting with my mother, don’t regret those last precious moments we shared, and I don’t regret getting to be a family for just a while longer.

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