Page 2 of A Kiss at Midnight

“I realize I don’t have a full-time job yet,” I say, unable to keep from glancing nervously back at Justin, “but I was working part-time until last week, and the temp agency promised more work, so within three months I’m certain I’ll have enough saved to put down a deposit on a new apartment. I already spoke to the manager of a complex over on West Street, and he guaranteed me a place.”

“And where will you and your brother stay until then? How will you feed him? How will you get him medical insurance?” the judge asks in a level voice.

“I’m staying in a studio, but I can make him a private space until I can get a bigger apartment.” I can’t lie about where I am as they do wellness checks. “There are people living in tents on the streets. I at least have a roof over my head.”

My brother has been through so much already. When he was little, our father ran off with another woman, and then, four short months ago, we lost our mother. He’s only ten. This is so unfair to him. In addition to all of this trauma, he’s been ripped from his childhood home right after losing his mother and thrust into the unpredictable world of foster care.

“I’m truly sorry, Ms. Weston. I want to reunite you with your brother. I think the two of you need each other,” Judge Malone says. “Which is why I won’t close this case, and why I won’t release him for adoption.”

A spark of hope wells up inside me. But the judge speaks again, and his next words aren’t quite as encouraging. “However, if your circumstances haven’t changed by your next hearing, which comes in three months, I’ll be left with no other choice but to provide a more stable environment for your brother. He’s been through enough, and the longer he’s in the system, the less likely he’ll return to you. He deserves to have a home, one where he can find comfort in routine, safety, and stability.”

“I can take care of him. My mother wanted that for him — for us. She wanted us to stay together. The cancer was sudden, unexpected, and we lost everything,absolutelyeverything, but I can take care of my brother, I swear. Please, just let us be together while we work to put the pieces back together.” I hate that I’m begging, but for Justin I’ll do whatever it takes.

The sad expression on the judge’s face tells me before his words that I won’t be walking from the courtroom with Justin — not today, at least.

“This case will be adjourned for three months.” With that, Judge Malone hits his gavel and rises before the bailiff can say a word. However the judge doesn’t leave the room immediately. He first turns toward me with concern in his eyes. “I know you love Justin — I have no doubt of that,” he says and then sighs. “Sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone we love is to let them go so they can have a better life than one we might be able to give them.”

He leaves me shaking so badly that I’m barely able to remain on my feet. But I look resolutely into the sweet blue eyes of my brother and pray I can keep my composure long enough to reassure him that we will indeed be together again. I go through agony each time I have to let him go.

“Jewel? Can we go home now?”

Oh, how his innocent words rip through my very soul.

“Ah, Bubby, soon. I have to do a few more things to prove to the judge that I can take care of you,” I reply, disappointment thick in my voice as I walk up to him and bend down to be at eye level. The advocate lets him go and he falls into my arms.

“But why can’t we go home? I miss you every day. Ms. Penny doesn’t read to me like you do, and she makes me eat peas. Ihatepeas. You promised we’d be back together again. You promised it would be now.” His tears soak through my thin suit jacket, and his small frame shakes with each heartbreaking sob.

“Oh, Justin, I promise Iwillget you back. I’ll do anything and everything for us to be together again. I love you to the moon and the stars. I love you more than any other person on this planet.”

“I love you too, Sissy. Please don’t make me go back to that house. She yells at me when I cry for you, and she makes me eat gross food. I don’t like it there.”

“Ah, baby, it won’t be much longer, and I’ll come see you every single Saturday, okay? And then after twelve Saturdays we won’t have to be apart anymore.”

“Twelve Saturdays?” His eyes widen with hope.

Thank goodness he doesn’t understand that means three months.

“Yes, only twelve more Saturdays. And after that last Saturday, I’ll pick you up and you’ll never have to go back to another strange house again.” I’ll keep this promise to my brother no matter what it takes... no matter what I have to do.

“You swear?”

I’m heartbroken at his question. How can any boy be so distrustful at such a young age? My brother should be playing with action figures and Legos, not worrying about where he’ll sleep at night, or whether he’ll be with a mean foster parent or a nice one, or if his sister loves him.

“I swear.” Or I’ll die trying, I silently add.

“I love you, Sissy,” he sobs as the advocate shifts on her feet, letting us both know our time is up.

“I love you too, Justin.”

His sobs grow into screams as the advocate removes him from my arms and pulls him from the courtroom. As soon as the door shuts, my mask of strength comes crashing down and I collapse into the closest chair.

When the court security officer tells me I have to leave the room, I stand and walk zombie-like into the cold white marble hallways of the courthouse. After making my way slowly to the restroom, I splash my face with water and don’t even recognize the eyes of my own reflection.

When our mother died, I didn’t have time to grieve, because from the day of the funeral I’ve been fighting to get my brother back from the state and the people who took him away from a loving sister. My brother and I lost everything in the last few months of our mother’s life. But we simply can’t lose each other.

Once I exit the courthouse, I wander the streets of Seattle until it turns dark, and then I slump against a dirty brick wall, too tired to go a single step farther. Anguish fills me every single day. My mother had been my best friend, my rescuer, my only person to lean on and love in a world full of people who don’t care about me.

Closing my eyes, I think of that phone call, my mother’s strong voice, for once, sounding defeated.

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