Page 172 of The Otherworld

“I came on my own, Jack. I want to apologize to you. It was wrong of me to keep you in the dark about my feelings for Orca. You’re right, I had a hundred opportunities to say something. It was stupid of me, okay? It was a mistake. But I never knew things would turn out like this. When I first met Orca, I did fall for her, and I knew she had feelings for me—but I thought she was just infatuated because I was the first man she’d ever met. I told myself I was too old for her, and that in time she would forget me. I figured it was over. But then you brought her here, and when you two started hanging out together, I thought maybe it was for the best; maybe it would be a good thing for her to experience being with someone her own age. I thought maybe she’d fall for you, and it would prove that I was right, and she was just infatuated with me before.”

Jack remains silent, his back to me, still polishing the boat with wide, angry strokes.

“I never meant to hurt you or deceive you, Jack. The truth is, I wanted Orca to be free to choose you if that’s what she decided. That’s why I took a step back from the whole situation.”

Jack freezes, the muscles in his back tensing. “You were ready to give her up? If she decided she liked me better?”

“Yes.”

He scoffs a humorless laugh. “Bullshit.”

“What, do you think I’d want to be with a woman who prefers my brother to me? Would you want that, Jack?”

It’s not until the words are out of my mouth that I realize I’ve just pulled the pin out of the grenade.

Jack whirls around, his eyes on fire. “You didn’t give me much of a choice, did you? There was no way I ever had a shot with her, not when you were schmoozing her behind my back, bending over backward to find her family and be the hero—”

“Why is it always about me?” I interrupt, stepping closer to the boat and lowering my voice. “Why do you always blame me when you don’t get what you want?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, actually, you do. Be honest with yourself, Jack. You wanted Orca in a way that she didn’t want you—and that made you angry, maybe even a little jealous. I think you sensed she had feelings for me, which suddenly made the whole thing a competition. Would you have felt the same way if she was in love with some other guy? Or is it because I’m your brother—”

“No shit, it’s because you’re my brother,” Jack bursts out, storming off the boat and closing the distance between us. “I’ve spent my whole life in your shadow, Adam. And you know what? I didn’t mind it. I didn’t care when girls at school tried to talk to me just so they could meet you. I didn’t care when everyone compared my grades to yours or made jokes about me trying to follow in your footsteps. I didn’t care, because I worshipped the ground you walked on! I wanted to be like you—I wanted to be you. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try.”

I shake my head, swallowing the knot in my throat. “Jack, I never wanted you to compare yourself to me—”

“Well, too late. Because I do. Every goddamn day. Ask Mom, ask Dad. Ask Orca. You’re the goalpost, Adam. Do you know how hard that is, to live every day with somebody that everyone wants you to be like?”

“Nobody expects you to be like me, Jack. Nobody but you. Stop thinking you’re not good enough.”

“But I’m not! Am I? Look at me. I’m a failure. I’m stuck here cleaning boats! My head is splitting, and my not-girlfriend just dumped me for my brother, and everyone else hates me—”

“Nobody hates you, Jack.”

“You hate me.”

“No, I don’t—”

“Well, you should!” Jack shouts, his eyes flashing with rage. “What the hell is wrong with you? I beat you up, for Christ’s sake! I’m an asshole. All I ever do is let people down.” He turns away, vaulting himself back into the boat to continue scrubbing down the vinyl seats. “Mom says I break her heart, Dad treats me like a child, and then you come around here and make me feel even more like a villain by refusing to be mad at me—”

“Jack, would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

He barks a bitter laugh. “Oh, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for all of you. But don’t worry—you won’t have to put up with me for much longer.”

I frown, squinting at him through the sunlight. “What are you talking about?”

Jack doesn’t respond. He keeps his gaze lowered on the job at hand, spraying the glass with cleaning solution and wiping it down with a different rag. Silence isn’t like him—and neither is this sudden nose-to-the-grindstone attitude toward the job he hates.

I step up to the edge of the boat, my voice low and serious. “Jack, don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

He scoffs. “Stupid is all I’m capable of, apparently.”

“That’s not true—”

“You done lecturing me, Adam? ’Cause I’ve got a job to finish here, and I’d just as soon be left alone to do it.”

I dip my head in a nod, stepping back. “I just want to say I know now I was wrong. And I’m sorry.” With that, I turn and walk back across the parking lot to my truck. When I glance over my shoulder, Jack is watching me go.

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