Page 86 of F*ck Steal Kill

I nodded and stepped back now that I knew they hadn’t been followed, the “clear” being the keyword. Joy had created the code years ago, her brilliance once again shining through. A sharp pang hit me at that, but I wouldn’t think about losing her. I couldn’t.

Now that the doctor was here and Grady was busy making plans, I slipped into the other room where Quentin now sat on the floor between the beds, rocking back and forth. Most of the furniture was splintered, and a lamp was smashed to pieces. All the bed sheets and comforters had been torn off and tossed aside. It looked like the Tasmanian Devil had been through here.

Kneeling between his open legs, I cupped his face and lifted his head. Tears streaked down Q’s face, and his eyes were so small I worried I wouldn’t be able to get him back. It was terrifying to see Quentin like this, but it also showed me we all had various sides. No one was always strong. No one was immune to pain.

I didn’t think I could slap Quentin and have the same response as Grady; instead, I went with a softer approach. Pushing his thighs down, I sat in his lap and wrapped my legs and arms around him, just holding him to me as I cooed soothing things, rubbing the short, buzzed part of his head.

“Come back to me, MF. I need you. They both need us. We’re gonna get them back. We will. And then we will make them all bleed for taking the best of us. I won’t stop until every inch of that place is dripping in blood. After this, they’ll have to call me the crimson killer because it will be my favorite color.”

Okay, so maybe they weren’t soothing things for everyone, but I hoped they were what Quentin needed to return to me.

Slowly, his arms tightened around me, his lips pressing into my neck as his body shook. After a few minutes, that also stopped, and we held one another, pouring our strength and worries together, not being alone in them.

I didn’t realize I’d been crying too until I pulled back, my face damp with my tears.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, his voice rough from his rampage.

“Don’t be.” I shook my head, wanting him to know I didn’t care. It was part of him, and I accepted it.

“It’s not something I like to show. But…” He shook his head, hiding his eyes. “I have a problem.”

“Q,” I snapped, my voice making his face jerk up. “Don’t you fucking apologize for loving that man. Don’t you dare!”

“I,” he started, but I narrowed my eyes, shutting his mouth.

“My sister died a few years back. It’s why I stayed here for college. Our parents were trash. My mother was an alcoholic, and my father was the same, just your typical deadbeat. They mooched off everyone else and never tried to actually make their lives better, and by some fucked up miracle, they had me and Harper. And despite our messed up parents, she was pure light. The absolute best.” I blinked, tears returning to my eyes now that I’d started to talk about my baby sister.

Wiping my face, I took a deep breath before continuing.

“My sister was diagnosed with leukemia when she was fifteen. It was the shit cherry on an already fucked up sundae. Of course, our parents didn’t care. And we didn’t have the necessary medical care to cover anything. So I stayed to help. I couldn’t leave her with them. But it didn’t matter. I was a bone marrow match, but because they were so negligent, it was already too late by the time she was diagnosed. Her body rejected it, and that was that. After Harper died, I closed everything off. Lacey and Joy were the only two people I didn’t push away, mostly because they’re stubborn jackholes who wouldn’t let me. They saved me.”

Sucking in a deep breath. I braced myself for the rest.

“I didn’t realize how much I’d cut people out until you three barged into my life, not letting me go. You awoke something in me, chipping away at the ice I’d put around my heart. I thought keeping people out made me stronger, but it didn’t. This week, I’ve felt more like that Holland I used to be, the one who had a sister who thought she’d hung the moon. I liked feeling that way again. It’s scary, but it’s real. I didn’t know how hollow, how vacant my life had become. The game filled it, but it was only for a little while. Intimacy and connection, that’s been the thing I’ve been missing. “

Quentin’s hand flexed on my ass; his hands had moved over me, soothing me while I spoke.

“Don’t ever apologize for caring so deeply for someone that the thought of them gone wrecks you because it’s exactly what I needed to be reminded of. It’s rare and beautiful, and we’re not letting that asshole keep them. I will rain down hell if I have to and burn down the world in the process to get them back. The only thing I need from you is to know whether you’ll be there by my side.”

“Where you go, I go, Temptress.” He placed his forehead on mine, his eyes clear and full. “Thank you for pulling me back from the ledge. I’m here with you and will walk through the fire with you. Your strength’s so fucking beautiful, and I don’t think you understand how amazing you are, Holland. You might’ve been numb, but you weren’t as hollow as you believed. You saved so many people, giving them the hope and miracle they needed. I get that now. And I see you, baby. I fucking see you.”

It might’ve not been the right time, but after a man said that to you, the only correct response was to smash your lips together.

Slamming my mouth to his, I soaked in everything he’d just said, sharing my fear and panic with him and my strength. This was what I’d been missing, this reciprocal connection from a place of true intimacy. For so long, I hadn’t let anyone in other than Lacey and Joy, but now that I had, I knew I couldn’t go back to how I’d been.

I was combining the rage and loss of control I’d felt for years with the power of connection. It felt like an unstoppable force, pushing me to hope for the first time.

We would get them back, or the world would mourn with us as we obliterated anything that got in our path. That was a motherfucking guarantee.

Pulling back, we stared at one another, the same mission and fierceness reflecting back in Quentin’s eyes now.

“Not to break up the moment, but I hope you both know how much I echo everything you said. The three of us… we were floundering and trying to paste together a brotherhood built on revenge.”

Grady had walked into the room, kneeling down by us as he finished, pressing his forehead to ours and letting out the tension in his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around both of us.

“You give us a deeper connection, mi chispa—a true purpose. We’ll do this together. All of us.”

Quentin nodded, squeezing the back of Grady’s head as the last of his fear drained away. Grady sat back, and I spotted Lacey standing in the doorway, tears in her eyes. I motioned for her to join me, needing to hug my best friend, too.

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