Page 38 of F*ck Steal Kill

“That was beautiful, Q. I’m just trying to process it all.”

“Do you not… feel the same?” he asked, anxiety and sadness coating his words.

“I love you too, Q. I always have. You saved me back when I couldn’t save myself, and after my uncle was killed, you became my family. I’ve always been scared to look at what our friendship meant because I didn’t want to lose you. So, I went along with your requests, knowing it gave you control, and I’d be there for you when you needed me.” I took a breath this time, the words tumbling freely from me now that we’d opened the door.

“When I thought you were going to keep Holland for yourself, I knew I’d lose you both, which terrified me. This job has shown me the horrors of life, but Holland gave me a glimpse of something bright, of a future that was more than blood and death. If you say you want us all to be together, I’ll happily agree because I know she’s special and I think we can be great. I just didn’t want it to be a pity thing.”

I dropped my eyes, biting my lip as I held myself together. I’d never been that vulnerable before, and I didn’t want him to regret anything he said. To change his mind. Quentin’s thumb pulled my lip from my teeth, smoothing the pad across it as he stared at it. His touch sent electricity through me, my body waking up and responding to things I’d long ignored.

“No moment with you has ever been out of pity, Max. You gave me a purpose when I was lost, someone to protect when I needed to feel like I could. I’d failed my mom, but I wouldn’t fail you. How you described Holland, that’s how you are to me. You brought light back into my life, pushing away some of the shadows. At first, it was your awful jokes making me laugh when I’d forgotten how. But now it’s the way you know what I need when I’m too afraid to ask. I’ve been scared my whole life of you waking up and realizing how much better off you’d be without me and my crazy rules. So, no, Max. It’s not a pity thing. It’s never been.”

My eyes shuttered closed, the emotion in his words too big and grand to dismiss. I let them settle in me, filling the holes and cracks of doubt and fear that had seeped in over the years and covering them in his love. My shoulders dropped as a weight lifted, my body buzzing as energy flew through me. Feeling lighter, I opened my eyes, finding him still watching me.

“What do we do now? What does this mean for us?” I asked, my voice quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“Your guess is as good as mine. It doesn’t have to change anything if we don’t want it to.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked, unsure of myself.

“I don’t know. I’m still trying to accept my feelings and what they mean,” he admitted.

“Let’s not pressure ourselves to be something we might not be. You said Holland’s coming in the morning?”

He nodded, his body relaxing at my suggestion.

“Then let’s go to bed and figure out one thing at a time. Neither of us is going anywhere; we don’t have to express our love and cross a boundary we might not be ready for on the same night.”

“You truly are brilliant, Max. Yes, let’s do that. I need to check in with Grady, but I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“He was down at the bar,” I offered, pulling my hands away, the sudden loss of him bigger than it ever had been before.

“Figures. He’s so twisted about her that he can’t admit it. I’m willing to let him into our dynamic with her as long as he doesn’t hurt her. I won’t let him get away with his bullshit, leader of us or not.”

Q released my hair, his hand traveling down my neck in a soft caress. Tingles I hadn’t allowed myself to notice before ran through my body. He smirked as he stood, making me wonder if he’d done that intentionally. Was he flirting?

While he went to Grady’s room, I pulled my laptop over and checked all the servers one last time. There was a message for the location of the meeting tomorrow and the protocol to get in. The information was like a bucket of cold water, reminding me of our reason for being here—to find a killer.

Shutting down my laptop, I changed out of my clothes and brushed my teeth, crawling into bed just as Quentin reentered the room.

“He’s back in his room bordering on drunk and pissed he couldn’t gather any new intel,” Q relayed as he pulled off his shirt. My eyes tracked his muscles, the awareness intensifying inside of me new.

“Did you tell him about Holland?” I asked, looking away.

“Not yet. I don’t want him to fuck it up for us before we have a chance to talk to her. She’s already flighty as hell. I’ll tell him after we’ve superglued her to us.”

He walked into the bathroom, the sound of water turning on as he did his nighttime routine. I stayed sitting up, too curious to lie down yet.

While it wasn’t uncommon for us to share a bed, our room often only had a king size; I didn’t know how it would play out tonight. Would he want cuddles? Or just stay to our sides, and that was that? It felt more important than ever before.

The light clicked out, the Alamo room falling into darkness as his feet padded over to the bed. I watched his shadowed form as he neared, holding my breath.

“Scoot over. I want you closer to the window,” he said breezily, not noticing how my heart was about to beat out of my chest.

Doing as he said, I moved over and under the blankets, my head on the far pillow. Quentin climbed in and covered himself, turning toward me. His arms reached out, pulling my body to his. I relaxed at his touch, loving how nice he felt behind me.

“I need to feel close to you tonight. I need the reassurance you’re here. I promise not to cross any lines until we talk more. Is this okay?”

“Yes, of course.” My voice croaked, but my heart slowed as his arms wrapped around me. We lay there, our breathing evening out as we relaxed together. Quentin’s head moved, his lips brushing the bare skin of my neck.

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