Page 180 of The Head Game

He had lost so much.

Memories. A portion of his brain. He’d lost ice time and maybe some of his sight and his grip strength and a fully hard dick.

But Nico had this.

He had August.

He had these perfect little moments with this strange uptight man who pretended to find him irritating but looked at him like he was everything.

He had a big fluffy cat and he was co-parenting a fish named Marty, and he wanted all of it.

Forever.

He wanted to buy a real ring, one August would actually like, and to put it on his finger and tell the world they were together.

Nico wanted to say he’d fallen in love. The big, real kind of love that would go on and on.

Long after recovery and hockey and everything Nico had always thought mattered so much.

Nico wanted to tell the whole world that whatever he’d lost, it didn’t matter because he had August.

Because finding out he had a fake fiancé was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“Augustus Manning, your conduct has been in direct violation of the expectations laid out by the National Hockey League regarding the impartiality of officials. While we recognize your relationship with Nicolaas Arents is consensual and reciprocated, we cannot condone a player and an active referee’s involvement. Because we also recognize this situation was unanticipated by both the league and the NHLOA and, as such, there were no clear guidelines in place for disclosing such relationships, we have decided against a lifelong ban.

“You are hereby banned from officiating at the NHL level for the period of two years. After such time, you are free to re-apply to your local governing body, Hockey Canada, and submit a new application for consideration.”

The words still rang in August’s ears as the hearing ended and he dully thanked everyone in the meeting and closed out of the video chat.

The ruling repeated on a loop in his head as he stood and looked around Nico’s condo.

Two years was better than he’d hoped. And yet, knowing he had the chance to reapply was almost worse than being banned for life somehow. It felt like a tease or a mirage, something he’d work toward, only to have it ripped away again.

Realistically, would anyone want him back? Would any player, any fan, trust him again?

His career was over. Everything he’d worked so hard for was over.

Yesterday, the day after Christmas, the road had cleared enough for them to return to Toronto.

Nico had begged to stay with him today during the virtual hearing but August couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t stand to see Nico’s face when he got the news.

Not because August blamed Nico. He didn’t.

Not even because he resented Nico or regretted what they’d done.

But because this was the beginning of the end.

All of August’s meticulous planning and hard work had amounted to nothing.

His desire for a husband and a family had meant everything to him. It had meant so much he’d given up his first love—playing NHL hockey and winning a Stanley Cup.

He’d found a new plan and purpose in officiating, worked toward new goals. Hoped to use that career to support his family and referee the Cup championship.

He’d loved it so much he’d ultimately chosen it over Daniel.

But everything in his life now, all of his hopes and dreams, were built on the foundation of this career, his future now a house of cards tumbling down.

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