Page 77 of The Husband Game

Charlie frowned, considering the idea. “He is … a lot sweeter and more thoughtful than I expected. And he … shortly after I got here, we were horsing around by the pool and when I said I didn’t want to be tossed in, he stopped immediately.”

“Aww. Well, that’s good.”

“It was good,” Charlie admitted. “You know how much I hated the way people used to pick me up a lot when I was a kid because I was small. And they did it even when I screamed and begged to be put down. That made me feel like—like I didn’t have control of my own body. And like, I went through all of that shit with my previous therapist, but it sort of hit me that Dustin’s been respectful of my boundaries.”

“Good.” Taylor scowled. “He fucking better or I’ll be on a plane to Toronto to murder him.”

Charlie laughed. It was always good to have people in his life who wouldn’t hesitate to commit felonies for him.

“No, he’s been incredibly respectful, actually. He’s flirty but he hasn’t pushed the sex ban at all.”

“But you’re having second thoughts about it now.”

“Yeah.” Charlie let out a dramatic sigh. “Because holy hell, being around a sexy man who’s being kind and respectful is hot. Especially after the fuckboys I’ve dealt with in my life.”

“Tell me about it. Jamie was such a breath of fresh air. I can’t even believe the kind of shit I put up with before.”

“I’m definitely regretting my decision to go without sex,” Charlie admitted with a sigh. “And Bridget thinks I should renegotiate with him but, oh my God, that’s so scary.”

“Yeah?” Taylor raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, we’ve been talking about it in the past few sessions. About the whole reason I started the no-sex rule in the first place and why casual hookups became such a trigger for me.”

“I know.”

“I was way overusing hookup apps and having sex just for validation. My previous therapist was so nice and not slut-shamey about it but she got me to see I wasn’t doing it in a way that made me feel good about myself, you know?”

“These things are easier to see in hindsight.”

“Oh I know. It’s just so frustrating. Because I was totally convinced that anybody being even remotely kind to me meant they wanted to get serious and it made me feel so shitty when I realized they didn’t. And I’d restrict my eating because I wanted more control of my life, but that made me feel shittier about myself and it became this stupid vicious cycle.

“But.” Charlie cleared his throat. “I’ve been doing so well since I swore off sex!”

“That’s great.”

“But like … Bridget thinks since my situation is totally different now, I should re-evaluate. She asked me this stupid question of, ‘Do you think it’s healthier to set new goals when circumstances change or stick to what you promised yourself?’” He made a face. “And like, I get it. She has a point. But it totally felt like a trick question.”

Taylor laughed. “So which did you pick?”

“I told her I’d have to take a look at the overall picture. And see which would be most likely to lead to me being healthy and happy.”

“Well good. I think she was maybe onto something with this ‘being sensible’ thing.”

Charlie stuck his tongue out. “She made this nice speech about how if I don’t feel comfortable having sex with Dustin then I shouldn’t, but she also wanted me to consider this relationship with Dustin as good practice.”

“Practice?” Taylor asked with a puzzled frown.

“Yeah. For what a future relationship could look like for me. As long as Dustin was treating me well, I could use it to model what I want in the future with someone I’m with for real.”

“Huh.”

“And like, on the one hand, I get her point. As much as Dustin drove me nuts and pushed all of my buttons at first, he really has been great since we got married.”

“God, that still sounds so weird. You and Dustin married.”

“I know!” Charlie laughed. “It’s still so crazy to me too. But like … Dustin said even though it’s fake, he wants to get to know me and be friends and work together on all this, and he’s actually following through on it. And when I told him I don’t drink coffee, he picked up my favorite kinds of tea. And every morning when I go off to work he has a travel mug of it waiting for me when I come downstairs. It’s small but …”

“It’s sweet,” Taylor said with a smile. “Those little things definitely add up in a relationship.”

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