Page 76 of The Husband Game

Either way, it made Charlie’s skin crawl.

“Yeah, I get that,” Taylor said.

“And I hate that I get all self-conscious about it,” Charlie said with a little sigh. “Like I think it’s a mix of people actually judging me and the stupid voice inside my head that sounds like my mother, you know?”

“Well, people are pretty fucked up about eating and diet culture,” Taylor said philosophically.

“Seriously. I had lunch with a couple of the women who are dating or married to the guys on Dustin’s team this week and I could see one of them was kind of restricting her food and I wondered if I should be too and it got all tangled up. So that was stressful. I didn’t eat as much as I needed and I didn’t feel good about it when I did.”

Taylor winced. “Do you think you could talk to her about it?”

“Maybe eventually?” He shrugged. “I don’t know any of them well yet. But I also know what it’s like to be in that world. Where appearances very much matter and there’s a ton of pressure to conform and be skinny and have a thigh gap.”

“So fucked up.”

“Exactly. And my therapist discussed ways I can deal with it. Self-talk when I’m in the moment and scheduling some meetups with the girls that don’t revolve around food.” Charlie made a face. “Bridget called me sensible.”

Taylor threw his head back and laughed. “Well that would be a first.”

“Right? When I basically told her the same thing, she said it was time to embrace a touch of sensibility. What fun is that?”

“What about your dinners? Were those okay?”

Charlie looked down at the little grid he’d made of his weekly eating habits. “They were harder.”

“How come?” Taylor took a big bite.

“We’ve had some dinners out with Dustin’s friends. And it’s fun but restaurant foods are so calorie-dense and you know sometimes I get up in my head. Eating at home is better in some ways because I know what’s in the food but it also makes my small portions way more apparent because it’s Dustin and I eating the same thing. It’s very obvious that I’m eating a fraction of what he is. If he dishes up the plates for us, he puts way too much on mine.”

Charlie grimaced.

“And I don’t even think it’s on purpose. He knows I eat lightly throughout the day and big meals don’t work for me, but he doesn’t grasp what portions feel okay for me. He’s not trying to be a jerk, he just … doesn’t get it.”

“I know you’re going to hate hearing this, but wouldn’t it be better if you explained the situation?”

Charlie groaned. Bridget had asked almost the same thing. “Of course. But that would mean telling him I’m a hot mess, not this sexy little husband he gets to parade around on his arm as a bit of eye candy. He doesn’t want to deal with that bullshit. That’s not what he signed up for.”

“Has he told you that?”

“No.” Charlie swallowed hard. “He’s said he wants to make my life easier.”

“Do you think he’s lying?”

“No,” Charlie said slowly. “Not lying. But there might be a limit.”

There usually was with most people.

They could handle pretty, fun, sparkly Charlie who made them laugh and sucked dick like a champ. But they didn’t want to keep sad falling-apart Charlie who just wanted to be held.

Well, he still wanted to suck dick no matter what. But he wanted to be held after at least.

And Dustin certainly hadn’t signed up for that version of Charlie. Especially when he wasn’t even getting his dick sucked.

“Okay, but how do you know if you don’t give him the chance? Because everything I’ve heard you say is that he’s not at all a shallow asshole like some of the guys you’ve dated.”

Charlie slumped. “I know. But it’s hard. And scary.”

Taylor’s look was sympathetic. “It is.”

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