Page 155 of The Husband Game

“No one wants the real Charlie.” There was a trace of bitterness in his voice.

“I’m not everyone,” Dustin said, keeping his tone light. “I like you. Imperfections and all.”

Charlie tipped his head back. “I want to believe that.”

Dustin’s heart ached because he thought that was probably the most honest thing Charlie had ever said to him.

Charlie wanted to believe it, but he couldn’t.

“You don’t have to be perfect, I promise,” Dustin said quietly. “I only want you to be honest with me.”

Charlie bit his lip. “While we’re being honest, I was scared when you didn’t come home tonight … I thought maybe you were regretting this.”

“Regretting what?”

“Our marriage.”

“Oh, Charlie.” Dustin let out a sigh and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “No. God. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Can you be honest with me?”

“I’ll certainly try.”

“Is the team actually losing advertising dollars because of me?”

Dustin winced. “I wasn’t sure how much of that you heard.”

“Enough.”

Dustin sighed, trying to put into words the thoughts he’d had about what Jill said. “Truthfully, I don’t know if advertisers have any issues with it. It seems incredibly far-fetched to me that they would care what the spouse of a player does. Within reason, of course. I’m sure if they created a huge scandal, that would be something else, but the way you dress? I don’t buy it. Jill is the only one who has said anything to me about that and when I talked to Kate, she dismissed it as well. Wade said none of the brands I work with have threatened to pull sponsorship or even expressed any concerns. They both feel Jill has her own issues and is using the advertisers as an excuse.”

“Okay.”

“But I meant what I said. I think you’re amazing, just the way you are. I don’t want you to change anything except for how you feel about yourself.”

Charlie let out a shaky sigh but didn’t say anything else.

“Is there anything you would like me to do or not do now that I know about your eating disorder?” Dustin asked after the silence had stretched on too long. “I don’t want to put you on the spot but I don’t want to accidentally do something that’ll make this worse for you either.”

“Hmm. Maybe just don’t comment on my size? Like, if I look like I’ve lost a little weight or gained it just … don’t comment. Even if you think I look healthier, I don’t want to hear it. I have a therapist keeping an eye on me. If it gets too bad, we’ll talk about in-person treatment again but I’m determined to not let it get to that point. Having you monitoring me isn’t something I need.”

“Okay, I can do that. Are comments about your appearance in general okay? Compliments about your makeup or clothing or whatever?”

“Sure. Those are fine. Those are things I chose. I control them. It’s about my skill in doing my makeup or picking clothing that comes together in a beautiful way. It’s about the things I create for myself.”

“I understand.”

“But my body …” His swallow was audible in the quiet, echoing space. “I didn’t choose how I’m built or how my body metabolizes what I eat or the color of my eyes or the shape of my mouth or any of that. It’s … what I was born with. And if I spend too long thinking about that, it goes all squirrely in my head. I start to feel like I should change everything. Like none of it is good enough and if I work a little harder, I’ll be better.”

He dragged in a ragged breath. “I can still hear the voice in my head saying, Charlie, you aren’t trying hard enough.”

“Huh. I never thought of it that way,” Dustin said, slowly.

“If you focus too much on your looks, it fucks you up. Throughout my skating career, it—it became this competition against myself to keep going. Try harder. Well, I only ate twelve hundred calories today … what if I try for eleven hundred tomorrow?”

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