Page 128 of The Husband Game

Charlie sipped his wine, feeling increasingly guilty as he picked at the delicious salad.

The turmoil in his head was making it difficult to choke down.

He took as many tiny bites of food as he could manage and praised Dustin several times but his throat was so thick.

Now that the initial panic over his mom trying to insinuate her way into his life again had faded, he could see how it was impacting him and his mental health.

The stress he’d been under recently made it harder to take care of himself.

Dustin said he didn’t mind that he’d had to take care of everything for tonight but Charlie minded.

Dustin kept talking about how they were friends and they were a team but Charlie felt inadequate when he wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain.

Dustin had told him earlier not to be so hard on himself, but it wasn’t that easy for Charlie.

He’d spent a lifetime listening to someone he loved criticizing every little thing he did. That voice was in his head now. He’d worked so hard to quiet it. To re-write it. To shift it from being critical to understanding.

Dustin was so good to him and Charlie needed to do better. He needed to show Dustin how much this effort meant to him.

Dustin had worked so hard tonight. Not only had he made the dinner with the help of Chef Gregg, he’d gotten some of the string lights Charlie had mentioned a few weeks ago.

Along with more candles and lanterns, he’d hung the lights over the patio and made the whole space look soft and welcoming.

He’d even unwrapped and set up the fire pit and patio heaters Charlie had ordered but never gotten around to arranging. He’d followed Charlie’s plan exactly.

It was perfect.

Despite the cool autumn evening, the patio was warm and cozy. It felt like a home.

Like Charlie’s home.

Until that moment, Charlie hadn’t realized Dustin’s house had truly begun to feel like more than a temporary place to live.

Charlie’s heart ached with the sweetness of what Dustin had done. But guilt lay heavy in his chest alongside that sweetness.

Bridget was right. Even though this thing with Dustin wasn’t going to last forever, he needed to learn how to communicate in a relationship.

And if he told Dustin about his eating disorder, if he truly let himself be vulnerable, Dustin would be kind.

He’d listen and be supportive.

He was safe.

This felt like a big turning point.

Charlie tried to stay focused on the chatter around the table, laughing and lightly teasing Dustin, drawing Jordan and Natasha into conversation, but a part of him felt twisted up inside.

Worried he was letting Dustin down.

“This looks great, darling,” Charlie said with a smile as he accepted a plate of the grilled salmon with maple-mustard sauce and root vegetables with spicy pecans.

He took small bites and tried to savor the flavor. He made appreciative noises that made Dustin smile.

Charlie wanted to be the kind of person who could enjoy a meal without it turning into a minefield. He wanted to be able to relax around friends and family and have a good time.

He wanted to be normal.

A voice that sounded a lot like his therapist reminded him “normal” was a ridiculous and meaningless measurement, but he was so fucking tired of everything feeling like a struggle.

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