Page 11 of Binding Their Hearts

Yeah, fuck, those tears were gonna fall, and he just had to let them.

“I nearly threw away the best parts of my life—the ones where I am happy—to hold on to—” Nothing. Love that didn’t exist, had maybe never existed. “To people who don’t understand me and don’t love me. Not the real me, the me I want to be.”

He blew out hard breaths, puffing up the hill, driving for the summit. This mountain wouldn’t break him.

“I tried to show them, and they hated me for it. And I—” His voice broke on a sob. Fuck that—he wasn’t stopping now. He scraped together his stamina for one more push. “I treated the best people in my life horribly because I thought I didn’t deserve them, didn’t deserve our life together.”

Their faces when he’d left them there, turned his back and left them outside.

“I want this life with them, and I’m trying to believe I deserve it, but it’s hard. And I—I can’t do it by myself. That’s why I’m here.”

Summit. That view, fuck, that long view across the valley, and Henry and Alice somehow already there to greet him with hugs and kisses and showered praise. Didn’t matter that all he’d done was answer one simple question. They understood how rough the climb had been.

“That’s a great insight, Jay.” Danny jotted something on his notepad, but that was okay. He wasn’t keeping notes to tattle on Jay or get him in trouble. Not judging him for what or who he wanted. “Do you want to tell me more about what happens when you don’t feel worthy or deserving of love? We can talk through how it feels for you when those gears are rusty or a tooth is bent and your mind won’t let you move forward.”

Jay blinked loose the last of the tears. A tissue box sat on the little table beside him, and he cleared his snotty nose. He was only on his first day of training. The life with Henry and Alice, that would be forever, but not if he didn’t build up his muscles now.

“Yeah.” He settled into the chair and reached for the calm of waiting pose. “Yeah, I’d like to talk about it.”

Chapter five

Alice

Alice startled and jerked half upright, blinking as her arms tangled in the sheets Jay had partly pinned while scrambling to his knees beside her.

“Up!” Henry stood at the foot of the bed, clapping his hands and somehow fully dressed even though he’d been naked and fucking them just a minute—oh. Well, fine, the bedside clock said she and Jay had tumbled back into sleep afterward for an hour or so. But still. “Up, up, we’ve places to be today, my dears.”

At ten on a Sunday morning? She rolled blearily toward the edge of the bed as Jay rolled the opposite way. “Groceries?”

They hadn’t shopped yesterday, what with Jay’s basketball meetup and her flogging practice at the club. Which had gone wonderfully, if she did say so herself. Leah was a giggler—she’d make a great desensitization model for Jay. Plus, Henry had gotten to finalize art stuff with Will and Claire before she left, and Emma had dropped in, and the whole thing felt cozy and family-like. Wholesome kinkiness.

“House hunting.” Henry scooped a stack of neatly folded clothes off the chair and split it into two piles. Something suitable for them to match his casual-formal khakis and thin navy-blue sweater, no doubt. “We have a handful of appointments and a pair of open houses I wish to drop in on. We’ve just enough time for a quick brunch before we go.”

For a guy who did everything with methodical caution, he’d sure jumped into the moving plan quick. They’d only just agreed—all right, yes, three weeks back. Had the drive to rescue Jay been that long ago already? She glared at the bedside clock for want of a calendar. Time had clearly lost all meaning. She dragged her feet toward the bathroom, since Jay hadn’t leapt up to call dibs. “Tell me there are comfortable shoes in my future.”

“We’re giving up the apartment?”

Jay’s confusion stopped her dead in her tracks. Brow furrowed, he sat at the edge of the bed, the corner of the coppery sheet dangling down one leg as he tapped his foot against the rug.

He’d given up so much in the last month. Family members who didn’t deserve him, for sure, but that huge upheaval hadn’t left him untouched. Fuck. Yeah, he’d been behind the moving idea when it was only an idea, but maybe he needed stability now, just as she’d gone and told Henry she was one hundred percent Team New House.

“Eventually, yes.” Henry left Jay’s clothes on the comforter, patting the blue-green shirt on top as he rounded the corner. He settled beside Jay on the bed and folded their hands together on Jay’s thigh. “We needn’t rush to choose. This will be a momentous change, and one that may take a while to accomplish. Finding a home to suit all of our needs won’t happen on the first attempt.”

Jay tipped his head, his hair adorably bed-messy and his deep brown eyes gazing straight at her. “You’re not surprised.”

“Henry and I talked about it after you—” In her rush to reassure him, she steered herself into the skid. Make him feel excluded, that was great. Just great. For her next trick, she’d stuff her whole foot in her mouth. She forced herself to slow down and wrangle her jumbled thoughts. “While we were missing you and thinking about what we wanted the most when the three of us were together again.” She spun out a grand, teasing smile for him. “After the reunion sex, of course.”

Not even a hint he’d heard her.

She curled her toes into the rug, seeking warmth. “I decided I was on board with this thing I thought you wanted—a real house for us, a place we create together.” Her words tumbled out in a breathless rush. If she built a tall enough tower of them, she’d fix this unexpected mess. “But Henry’s right, we don’t have to—”

“No, no—that’s amazing.” Jay’s smile crept in like sunrise, flickering at the edges and suddenly present and everywhere with an unearthly glow. “I’m ready. I’ve been ready.”

But he glanced around the room as if memorizing the layout. The apartment held layers upon layers—years of Jay’s love and service and personal growth with Henry. Change could be a scary thing. Alice eyed Henry, and he replied with a slight shoulder lift. They’d wait and see, then. If Jay’s mood deteriorated, they’d pack it in for the day and back up a few steps.

“Seriously.” Jay looked at each of them before bouncing to his feet and tugging Henry’s hand. “You both have dom-face. C’mon. I’m in. What’s for brunch? Where are we heading?”

Just over an hour later, dressed and fed and wide awake from climbing the hill a good three blocks from the car, they trotted toward the front steps of a two-story row house. The brick sidewalks were a tiny bit slick yet from the early-morning rain, and Alice let Jay steady her with their arms threaded together. Ahead of them, Henry reached for the door, but it opened inward before he could knock.

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