Page 52 of Binding Their Hearts

“Sometimes I—” Slower. Deep breath. Just because his whole body thrummed with adrenaline at having another person who understood didn’t mean he should unload his every worry on her. But the thing he couldn’t confess to Henry and Alice, the one that circled around his head every week when he pedaled to Danny’s office—

“Sometimes I feel disloyal. Talking to my therapist—needing that. Listening and following his advice.” He flexed his feet against the ache slipping up his calves, a tension that didn’t come from cycling. “I have Henry and Alice. They love me so much. Henry’s been working with me on this stuff for years. And then what, I hear it from this stranger and I’m magically fixed?”

Emma studied him, a gentle smile creeping across her face. One shapely mahogany eyebrow lifted. “As I’m certain your therapist has told you…”

His sigh hollowed out his gut as he lolled his head against the woodcut screen above the seatback. “I’m not broken, and I’m not a wrong thing that needs fixing. I just need to connect with who I am.”

“Ah, see?” She darted a manicured finger toward him, white tips flashing at the end of her nails. “You must be an excellent listener. I’m certain Henry thinks so. And I know without asking that he’s proud of you for this undertaking.”

“He is. They both are. And I know that, I know they’re proud, I do.” The squirmy thought wrapped around his heart argued, though. He couldn’t squash the sneaky critics when they hid in sensitive spots. “But some voice in me still says love should be enough by itself. That whatever I’m given should be enough.”

“You love your sister, this Peggy girl?”

“All my life.” Even now. Her disapproval wouldn’t hurt so much if he didn’t.

“But all the love you’ve given her can’t change who she is or how she treats you.”

“Yeah.” Some days now he could almost believe that. “I’m still working on that one.”

Emma folded her hands in front of her, one thumb rocking back and forth at a snail’s pace. “You can’t make her well with your boundless love, Jay, no matter how much you want to. And Henry and Alice, even with all of their boundless love for you, can’t by themselves change the voices in your head.” Her gaze dropped to the table, and her tucked chin hid the pearls at her throat. “For a very long time—” A tiny shake disturbed her smooth alto. “I blamed myself for their deaths.”

He didn’t dare breathe. Their would be her husband and her little boy. She’d talked to Henry about this, but never him. Never in front of him. They’d been friends by way of Henry, not friend-friends.

“For not being in the car. Maybe I would have heard the tree cracking. Seen it fall. Shouted a warning.” She gave a little headshake, the graceful version of the kind he tossed pictures out of his head with, too. “I crawled into a very dark hole after they died, Jay.”

He covered her hands with his, offering back the warm strength she’d given him. He didn’t have Henry’s skill with words or Alice’s with problem-solving. But touch could matter. Just listening. Being.

She twisted and gripped him with white-knuckle intensity, seeming fixed on their connection. “And because of my inattention, standards at the club continued to slip, and the wrong sort of people were allowed to flourish while our supportive culture fell apart.” Damp eyes greeted him above a brilliant, wobbly smile. “I cannot tell you how much good it does me to see you happy, Jay. To have your friendship and trust as you plan this most wonderful of days, and to witness the effects you’ve had on Henry. He and Will have been my dearest friends for ages. I hope that I may say the same of you and Alice in the years to come.”

“You will.” The vow left his lips before the thought reached his head. But they were the right words. If he couldn’t depend on his blood family, he could build another. Emma would be his new sister-in-law, Henry’s almost-sister, sharing her wisdom and her love whenever his ears could listen. “Heck, you’re family now, sis. You’re coming to Thanksgiving, wherever it ends up being.”

Her quiet laugh slid into an amused hum. “I would hug you if we hadn’t a table between us. And I do want to hear about the house-hunting venture as well, though none of this is the reason you called me today.”

“That’s an easy fix.” A slide and a spin, and he perched on the edge of her bench seat and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I’m fantastic at hugs. Henry and Alice both say so.”

She leaned into him sideways, her head just below his chin. “You’re magnificent, and I will be certain to tell them what a compassionate and kind pet they are marrying. Am I your favorite sister now?”

“Definitely top three.”

This time Emma laughed with her whole body. “Such esteemed company I keep. I do dearly love your honesty, Jay.”

“It’s kind of a tie with you, and Alice’s sister, and my sister Nat.” Huh. He’d had three sisters before coming out to his family, and now he still had three sisters who spoke to him and supported him and didn’t undermine his decisions about his life. “I traded secrets with Nat last month, too. It’s like getting to know a completely different person. She thinks Henry and Alice are good for me, which is great, since I’m marrying them.”

“Yes you are.” She pressed against him a few more seconds and sat up straight as he read the cues and reclaimed his arms. “You said you have something of a date in mind?”

“Henry’s letting me be in charge—” Off her exaggerated impressed nod, he puffed out his chest. Funny how faking smug pride brought the feeling in anyhow. “I know, Mr. Details himself. So I have ideas for the location—the club’s salon, I hope?—and the ceremony, and I need a favor for a special thing I want to make happen, and also…” He squinched his lips together and shut his eyes and barreled through. “It all has to go off perfectly within the next thirty days.”

She said nothing, and the doubts warred in his head. He should’ve listened to Henry and Alice, agreed to be patient. He was being silly, putting so much emphasis on this one thing, a not even legal thing, just a words thing. But his ribs ached for I do like he couldn’t breathe when he thought about delaying. Sucked the air right out of his body.

Rustling turned into a thunk on the table. As he unclenched his eyes, Emma held a pen over a thick spiralbound planner. “Then we’d best get started. Run over to the bar, please, and tell Amelia we’re about ready to order lunch. I’ll see what dates are open, and we’ll proceed from there.”

Emma could help him turn his ideas into action. Maybe Alice cancelling on him had been a good thing. He was still serving her and Henry today. They just wouldn’t know how for a few weeks. “Big lunch. Lots of brain food. We’ve got a ton of work to do.”

Chapter twenty-five

Alice

Hands slick with lubricant and stuffed inside Jay’s pants, Alice matched Henry’s methodical movement: rolling upward, gently, the latex leggings of Jay’s costume with her thumbs while her fingers kept the slippery fabric from forming a vacuum before they got the whole thing in alignment. Several minutes in, they cleared the tricky knees and started on his thickly muscled thighs.

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