Page 14 of Meet Me In Central Park

7

On the morning of Thanksgiving, I woke up thinking about my parents. Dannie and Rob would be cooking dinner and I’d been invited to join them and my other new friends to experience the parade. But as I opened my eyes, the ache of missing Mum and Dad was suddenly overwhelming.

I picked up the phone, scrolling down to Dannie’s number. I was going to have to tell them I wanted to cancel, but then something stopped me. Light was already streaming in through the window, and it was as if my legs had a mind of their own as I stood up and crossed the room. Looking down at the street below, there was a couple, probably in their early thirties, both wearing hats shaped like turkeys and holding the hands of a little girl who was beaming with excitement. Without warning, it was like I’d been taken back more than twenty years, to the day my parents had taken me to a pantomime, when I must have been about eight or nine. Mum had insisted on us all wearing matching elf hats. We’d ended up having to rush to make the performance, after struggling to get parked, and the sight of the oversized ears on Dad’s hat swinging to and fro as he ran, had made me laugh so much I’d had to stop running. Then my parents had stopped too and the laughter had been contagious. I could still picture the look on Mum’s face as she tried and failed to find a way of tucking the fake ears up inside Dad’s hat.

She’d always had this knack of squeezing every possible bit of fun from a situation, which had helped create the memories that had meant so much since I’d lost them. If Mum had been given the chance to experience Thanksgiving, we’d all have been wearing crazy headgear like the family who’d just rushed by on the street below my window, before disappearing into Dannie and Rob’s deli. And any thought I’d had of cancelling was forgotten. I wanted to watch the parade – not just for myself, but because everything I did in New York made me feel somehow closer to my parents, despite them never making it here. Whatever the reason, I couldn’t help smiling as I looked across at the elf’s hat lying on top of my coat, on the chair beside the bed. I’d forgotten all about that trip to the panto when Maddison had offered to lend me a hat I could wear to the parade, but now it had all coming flooding back. I needed to speak to someone who understood that I could miss my parents like crazy, but still want to experience everything New York had to offer because of them. It was only breakfast time in Manhattan, but it was lunchtime back home and Nan was the only person I wanted to talk to.

‘I think you’re picking up a bit of an accent already, Lib!’ She answered the phone after only a couple of rings, sounding almost as pleased to speak to me as I was to hear her voice.

‘Well, you sound exactly the same. I miss you.’ I really did. Even though I was having a far better time in New York than I’d ever imagined I would. She’d been right to pack me off to help Aunt Dottie, but then she was always right. Which was exactly why I needed to speak to her.

‘We miss you too, darling, but I can’t believe you’ve been there almost a month already.’ There were glasses clinking and the sound of laughter in the background; it certainly seemed like they were managing to keep the micro-pub running without me. No doubt the regulars were visiting even more often, to make up for the fact they’d be missing some visits when my grandparents went on their cruise. ‘Although Dottie tells me you’ve got a pretty good social life going on, and that she hardly gets to see you.’

‘I’ve met some lovely people and Aunt Dottie’s pretty busy with her own life, too.’ I had a strong suspicion that her hip had already been more or less healed by the time I’d arrived. Especially as Dottie had already all but confessed that it was a ruse they’d cooked up between the two of them for my benefit. It didn’t matter any more, because I was glad they had.

‘So, you’re having a good time?’

‘I am.’

‘And you’re happy?’

‘Yes…’

‘But?’

‘But it’s weird. Somehow, I feel closer to Mum and Dad here than I did at home. How can that possibly be the case when Canterbury is where I grew up and every street seems to have some memory of them?’

‘Maybe it’s because it’s where you lost them too.’ As soon as Nan had said the words, I knew she was right. ‘When you’re at home, every place that reminds you of them has a gaping hole it in now they’re not here. You haven’t got those memories in New York, so you can think about how much they would have loved it instead. The three of you were so close, it must be quite easy for you to picture how they would have reacted to the things you’re seeing. Rather than being here and seeing the empty spaces where they used to be, you’ve taken them with you.’

‘That’s exactly it.’ My breath caught in my throat. ‘Is that why you’re going on the cruise?’

‘We always said we’d do it with your mum and dad after we finally retired from this place, but we left it too late.’ Nan let out a shuddering sigh. ‘Going away means I won’t have to look up every time the door opens and expect to see them coming through it. I’m hoping they’ll come with me on the cruise, like they’ve been with you. But even if they’re not, I know it’ll be different to the emptiness there is without them here.’

‘I wish you’d told me how you felt.’ I’d have done anything to be able to wrap my arms around her. But even as I said the words, I understood why Nan had kept it to herself. She hadn’t wanted to give in to her grief, because she’d been too busy protecting me.

‘I had your granddad to talk to about it; he understood exactly what it was like for me to lose a child, because he’d lost her too. You didn’t have anyone who understood what you were going through and I wasn’t about to add to that. But hearing you now, it’s like music to my ears. I was starting to think you might never talk about being happy again.’ Nan let out another long breath. ‘Your mum and dad would have desperately wanted you to be happy too. You were the most important thing in the world to them.’

‘I know.’ It had taken me a while, but I was finally starting to allow myself to enjoy life again and I knew they’d have been relieved if they were still around to see it.

‘And if you decide you want to stay on for bit longer, your granddad and I can manage fine here.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you’re home for New Year, just like I said I would.’ I hadn’t told my grandparents that I was planning on coming home on Christmas Eve, because I knew they’d worry about me being on my own. When I’d agreed to go to New York, it had felt like the only way I could do it. I couldn’t spend Christmas in the city my mother had loved from afar. There’d be too many memories of all the festive movies set here, which we’d watched together in the run up to Christmas every year. She’d talk about how much she wanted to visit and how amazing it would be to spend the holidays here. I couldn’t do that without her, but I knew it would have broken Nan’s heart if I told her. Yet, as the words came out of my mouth, I couldn’t help but feel differently about returning to the UK. I tried to focus on the excitement of seeing my grandparents again and not picture Harry’s face, which seemed to flit into my mind every chance it got, especially now I knew he was single. I shook myself. I wasn’t in the right place for a relationship, and thankfully he seemed to sense that too. The timing was wrong, and despite how much more positive I was feeling, I wasn’t sure when it would ever be right again.

* * *

‘So, your aunt’s in Vegas for Thanksgiving?’ Rob took a pecan pie out of the oven as he spoke, and Dannie looked at his watch yet again.

I nodded. ‘She did ask me if I wanted to go with her and Brian.’ I gave a little involuntary shudder. ‘But one of the things she was most excited about was the hot tub in the condo they’ve rented. And the sight of her and Brian, in the bubbles, isn’t something I was sure I’d be able to give thanks for.’

‘That’s pretty awesome, though. I hope I’ve got a sex life like that by the time I’m their age.’ Rob folded out a cardboard box ready for when the pecan pie had finished cooling on the rack.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact she’s recovered so well from her operation, and that she’s having so much fun. But I don’t think they really wanted me there, any more than I wanted to be there.’

‘It’s a good job you’ve got such great company for the day then.’ Dannie walked over and gave me a hug. He might have been fishing for a compliment, but it was true. I was lucky. Within weeks, I’d found a circle of friends in New York that I hadn’t had since my university days. But we weren’t friends because we had a school or a job in common, and the connection I felt to them was different from anything I’d experienced before. I hadn’t had as much time to catch up with old friends once I’d started work in London, and it turned out that most of the friends I’d made through work were only there for the good times, like Ryan. Admittedly, one or two of them had tried to support me after my parents died and some of my old friends had reached out too, but I’d pushed them away because I didn’t feel like the person they used to know any more. Maybe that’s why I appreciated what I’d found in Manhattan; it was easy to remember that nothing was forever, and to make the most of the time I had with them. And they couldn’t compare the person I was now with the old version of me either.

‘It’s great getting to share the holiday with all of you and I’m really looking forward to experiencing my first Thanksgiving.’ I glanced at the bags on the table, where Rob had already packed up enough food to feed a family for at least a week. We were going to Central Park, to meet up with Harry and the others and watch Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade as it passed along the Upper West Side. Then we were going back to the Community Center for a Thanksgiving dinner.

‘Right Rob, are you nearly done?’ Dannie’s tone wasn’t one that could be ignored. ‘Because if I miss the beginning of the parade, you’ll be wearing that pecan pie as a hat.’

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