Page 28 of Through the Wicked Wood

Placing my hand on my chest, I feel for the erratic thud thud thud. Proof I am in fact alive and breathing. I am not on a mountain, I remind myself, looking around the small room. I am in Loxley. I am safe.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble, avoiding eye contact as I use both my hands to twist my hair off to the side. The back of my neck is drenched in sweat, stickiness coating my skin down to my toes. I am safe. I am safe. I remind myself over and over until the touch of Sorin’s hand breaks me from my spell. He tucks his hand under my chin, lifting my head so I meet his gaze.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers. “Not for anything,” he continues, “but especially not for this.” Taking his thumb, he brings it up to my cheek, wiping away the tears now freely falling. I stifle a cry, the way he’s looking at me right now with such worry, such concern, is so undeserved. If he knew what I did, he wouldn’t be looking at me like that. Wouldn’t be soaking up my tears and doing his best to comfort me. If he knew I was the cause of my own nightmares, he’d walk away, leaving me in the darkness alone, just as I should be. Just as I was in the woods.

Murderer.

Tilting my head to the side, I press my ear into my shoulder. Trying anything to suppress the voices. I could tell him, right now. Could tell him the truth like we swore we would. That I don’t deserve this. Don’t deserve any of this kindness, this hospitality. I don’t even deserve the chance to find the Stones, but I convinced myself it wasn’t for me. That I would find the Awakening Stones for them, the Enchantresses, the people across Teravie who are suffering.

Though, in my heart, I know. While I am doing it for them, I’m also doing this for myself. Retribution for what happened that night. As if the blame for what happened could fall to anyone but myself. As if bringing the Stones to the Enchantresses could ever right any of my wrongs.

Swallowing thickly against the knot in my throat, I meet Sorin’s gaze. Straightening myself all the way up, I reach for his hand that is now draped lightly on my knee. I lace my fingers in his. The hitch in his breath as our skin connects leaves me wondering if he feels the same energy I do whenever we touch. No words break the surface, though, I’m not sure I want them to.

So instead, I squeeze my hand tighter around his and bring it up to my lips. Placing a soft kiss to his calloused knuckles, I let my lips rest there for a moment too long. Allowing myself to take a deep inhale through my nose, soaking in his warmth, his kindness. I hate that I’m unable to stop the tear that rolls down my cheek. At that, I disconnect our hands and before he can open his mouth, I cut him off by turning away. With my shoulder blocking him, I lie back down to face the darkness and demons alone once more.

* * *

This past week was spent preparing for the full moon celebration as well as the return of Samaria and the rest of the crew. Tonight is finally the night. I gladly volunteered this morning when Eviey and Letty asked for help in the gardens. Late Summer doesn’t leave much to harvest other than a few root vegetables. Mostly, the witches needed help preparing the garden for the change of seasons, managing the pesky weeds and setting up for the upcoming cold.

I spent most of the morning rooting for potatoes and yanking out the occasional carrot in Letty’s garden. Sweat beads across my brows as the sun drifts to its highest point in the sky. Standing, I gather my vegetables and turn to head uphill toward the cottage.

I’ve forgotten how wonderful it feels to put my hands to use. I’ve missed it the last week being away from the woods. Living alone, there is always something to be done. Hunting, trapping, fixing my cabin, an abundance of busy distractions to keep my mind from wandering down a less pleasant path.

Not to mention, I would do anything to avoid Sorin. I’ve managed pretty well this last week. I moved myself to Eviey’s after she offered up her guest room. I’ve only seen Sorin when having our meals with Agnes, Letty, and Eviey. His eyes burned into my skin last night as we were the last to leave the table, but before he could get a chance to speak, I left. Staying with Eviey has proven much less distracting, anyway.

The night Sorin and I had dinner together was an intimacy I haven’t felt in years and shouldn’t have let happen. Especially letting him see me after my nightmare. Pushing the feeling of his hands on my chin deeper and farther away, I bury those feelings in the dirt, where they belong.

He would never want you.

The voices are right, he would never want me. No one would. So, I shake off the thought and continue back up to Letty’s cottage, needing a refill of water and a break from the heat.

Letty’s house sits between Eviey’s and Agnes’. It’s smaller and stone like the others in town, but radiates warmth and coziness even from the outside. Large, flat stones line the path from the garden up to the cottage. An array of brightly colored wildflowers decorate either side of the cobblestones. I drag my hand, letting my fingers graze the tips of the petals as I pass by. The smell of lavender hangs heavily in the air, a natural refuge for the buzzing bees surrounding the plants. Delicate wind chimes dance lightly in the breeze, letting off faint pitches of music into the warm air. Surely, I could stay perched in the garden with the breeze and the wildflowers forever.

But, alas, I cannot, because tonight is the full moon.

The aromas from the cottage as I open the rounded door set my stomach into a fit of audible rumbles. Peeking around the corner, I place my basket of vegetables on the small wooden table at the entry and watch as Letty and Eviey busy themselves in the kitchen.

“I told you, you added too much sugar!” Letty drops a dirty spoon on the worktable as Eviey laughs playfully, scooping what looks to be cobbler filling into a baking dish.

“Oh, relax sister,” Eviey says, “you’ve always been such a rule follower. Live a little.” She shoots Letty a wink who responds with a shrug and a wave of her hand.

The kitchen is much smaller than Agnes’ but brightly colored. The walls are splashed with turquoise; the wooden table tops streaked with pinks and orange. A small work table at the center is lined with different shaped baking dishes. A sink with a small, round window centered above it overlooks the wildflowers below. Herbs and dried flowers of all colors hang from the ceiling, the mixture of aromas is strong but not pungent. I set my empty canteen down on the worktable with a clink. Eviey looks up from her cobbler, apron dusted with flour, a grin splitting across her face.

“Elora, you’ve been out there all morning,” she says. “Please come sit.” She gestures to the stool next to where she works, making the sweet smelling desserts.

“Thank you,” I say, sliding onto a stool. “I think I managed to get most of the weeds pulled. There’s just a few more on the southern end. I only needed a quick refill.” I point to my canteen, and before I can ask where to fill it myself, Letty saunters over and begins pouring water from a pitcher, doing the task for me.

“You’ve done more than enough,” Letty says as she tops off the bottle. “We appreciate the help. Working bent over in that garden in this heat…We’re not as young as we used to be.” Letty and Eviey share a laugh together, and I can’t help but smile as well. Their love for each other is endearing. It would be difficult, I imagine, for anyone not to be swept away by it.

While they are twins, the more I look at them, the more differences I can see. Letty wears her hair in a braid and the texture of her dark silver locks is much straighter. Eviey switches her hairstyle often, sometimes in a braid and other times, like now, in a knot on the top of her head. A few loose, silver curls hang down at the nape of her neck. And of course, Eviey wears the small, rounded spectacles. Both sisters have deep lines around their brown eyes. Their tanned skin is weathered from a life under the sun, though the creases along their mouths are a sign it’s been a life well lived.

Letty crosses back over, handing me the canteen. I don’t hesitate to take a greedy gulp before wiping my lips with the back of my hand. “It’s really no problem at all,” I say, refastening the lid. “I quite enjoy working outside and appreciate the solitude.” The twins shoot each other a look, raising their brows.

Me and my damn mouth.

“I just mean, I lived alone for so long, being around other people, no matter how lovely,” I emphasize, “is still an adjustment.” My cheeks begin to heat with the threat that I’ve offended them, so I glance around the kitchen for a change of conversation. It isn’t as though I haven’t enjoyed the company, but a part of me will always need to be alone. At least in some capacity. Nothing like Sorin and his exuberance for life and revelry.

As I’m about to point out the magnificent collection of teacups Letty has displayed in a small cabinet, I’m interrupted by the sudden touch of Eviey’s hand on mine. Bringing my attention back to her, I’m met with a kind smile by both sisters.

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