Page 13 of Change of Course

Chapter 7

CHERI

He’s going back to Pittsburgh.

He’s leaving.

All that shit about wanting me, loving me, wanting to be with me and give me everything, and he’s still going back to Pittsburgh.

I take a deep, shaky breath, and try to decide what to do.

“Well, I have to,” he says calmly. “I still work there.”

I guess that makes sense. But what about us? I want to scream.

“Spill it, Cherry,” he says, putting his hand under my chin and turning my face toward him.

“What about us?” I ask, my voice small. “Long distance is hard. Wouldn’t you…wouldn’t you want to be here? Where I am?”

Those dark eyes of his are giving nothing away. “Well,” he says, “I’d be uprooting my life again. I’d think about it. But Cheri, what about us? We ran into each other downstairs, and now we’re up here away from everybody else.”

We wanted each other, I want to say, but I’m suddenly swamped with emotions I can’t really name. Do I want to do the walk of shame downstairs in a wrinkled dress? Do I want everybody to realize that I have just been fucked within an inch of my life by wrong-side-of-the-tracks, rebellious bad-boy rebel Jackson Moore, and it wasn’t the first time, and I loved it, and I want to do it over and over? Do I want everybody to realize that I’ve always wanted him? Do I want them to think I’m a sex fool?

“Fuck,” he says under his breath when I don’t answer right away. He gets off the bed and starts gathering up his clothes. “I’m gonna clean up and get dressed.”

I panic. “Why? I thought you wanted me to stay.”

He turns to me, and I see pain on his face. “I don’t want to be your rough-trade fuck on the sly, Cherry. I’ll come out and say it: I want you. I think I still love you. But I won’t be your dirty little secret anymore.”

My mouth falls open. Of course he’d feel like that.

I treated him like that.

“I’m so sorry, Jax. You deserve better. No, I want everybody to know about us.”

“Now that I’m a success?” His voice is level, but I hear the bitterness in it.

“No. You always deserved better.” I don’t intend to start crying, but tears are suddenly just leaking out of my eyes. “Jackson, please. I’m sorry.”

A cell phone starts ringing. Jackson looks around. He’s still naked, and he still looks so damn good that I get distracted. He pounces on my little black envelope purse and hands it to me. “It’s yours. Probably one of your cheerleader friends looking for you.”

Shit. I never told Court where I was. I rip open the purse and answer. “Courtney! Yes, I’m fine.”

“Where are you?” she demands. “Everybody’s dancing. We’re having a great time.”

“I’m…” I stop talking. I look at Jackson, whose gaze is both suspicious and a little hurt. “I’m upstairs. With Jackson.”

There’s a moment’s hitch where Courtney takes that in. “Jackson Moore?”

“Yes.”

“That’s who you were secretly dating our senior year?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “OMG, that’s who it was. Wait, why was it a secret? He was a cool guy then, and he’s even cooler now.”

“Because I was stupid,” I say, still looking at Jax. “Because I was worried about my reputation. Which was, as you point out, ridiculous.”

“Well,” Courtney says, obviously regrouping, “bring him back down to the party. You both deserve to have some fun.”

I’m not sure how to tell her that I’ve just had a different kind of fun, but after my pause, she laughs out loud, absolutely delighted. “Please tell me it was great.”

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