Page 21 of The Surrender

I bite my tongue, resisting the urge to ask why she keeps emphasizing me. Why me personally?

The few times I slip, she ruffles her wing feathers as if annoyed but still holds me in a strong grip, preventing me from falling. From what I can feel, her wings are long and narrow. They remind me of pixie wings but with thicker feathers. I imagine whatever parts of her that are a bird’s must give her keen vision.

Hmm...I wonder what Kyan’s vision is like. I smile to myself, imagining what it must be like to have the eyes of a bird, to fly like one!

“What are you grinning about? There is nothing to grin about here.” Her voice is dark and chastising.

I feel the heat in my cheeks when I say, “I’m-m s-s-sorry. I w-was j-j-just thinking of w-w-what it m-must b-be like t-to f-fly.”

She stops dead in her tracks. I freeze. I might not be able to see, but I can tell by her heated, violent breaths and the hint of a growl in her throat that she’s angry.

“They never got to fly.”

The guilt is so paralyzing, I swear all the blood is draining from my body and not just my face. I lower my head and purse my lips. I don’t even apologize because no words could make up for the loss.

Without another word, she tugs me along. So, I quicken my steps as much as I can, slipping once or twice. But the temperature seems to lift. While I can see nothing, it seems like we’re going up.

“It’s horrible that it happened and that the bones were just abandoned.”

She stops again, but this time, I crash into her. My bones rattle. She grips my arm harder, and I wince from the claws growing on her fingers to pierce my skin.

“You think they’re abandoned?”

I open my mouth, but she steals the breath from my lungs when she hauls me in a sharp right and tugs me into one of those lairs. My instinct is to cover my chest and protect my heart from the crippling horror of those bones. The stench clots my nostrils all over again.

When she lets go of my arm, and cold air sweeps across my side, I choke. Lock up in terror that she’s changed her mind.

You said the wrong thing again. You always say the wrong thing. You always do the wrong thing!

The voice in my head sounds eerily like my father’s.

A clanking noise to my left interrupts my thoughts. The strike of a match. I stiffen when she lights the lantern, bathing the entire cavern in the glow.

I blink, adjusting my eyes. And gasp. It’s the bird woman from the mountain, who was watching Kyan and me. The same long black beak, beady bird eyes, and dark plumage-covered head with protruding quills. Up close, I assume she’s far more raven than she is a crow.

I don’t get the chance to show any hint of embarrassment. With pressed lips, she juts her chin out to the cavern, and I gasp far louder than I did the first time.

Tears clog my throat. And burn my eyes. A harrowing ache fills my chest, which I clasp even harder. This cavern has bones, but they’re not left in piled heaps. Instead, these bones have been bound into sculptures. Intricate and exquisite sculptures of bones and ice rocks all taking the form of children! It’s enough to rip all the breath from my lungs.

“Great mercy!” I whisper the exclamation.

“They are the children they would have grown into. And you should know that.”

When I turn from the sight and back to her, I chew on my inner cheek, conflicted on whether to confront her. “Did you...did you do all this?” It’s not the question I was going to ask, but it’s the one that left my lips.

“Yes. They deserve more, but it’s what I do.”

As I nod, I notice the large swell of her belly. A smile crooks the corners of my mouth. “You’re doing so much. All of this while carrying a baby.”

“I didn’t expect a spoiled little queen with the stench of monsters nearly catching her death where she doesn’t belong.”

“I’m not a-”

One sharp glance from those beady eyes silences me.

The pregnant bird woman turns to leave but with the lantern clutched in her hand. A firm gesture has me scrambling to follow. It’s clear she’d rather use the light than touch me again. A warmth kindles my blood when I consider the little life growing inside her while wondering if it will ever happen to me. Would it even work with any of the kings? It’s not like I have any experience or know the protocol for monster procreation.

My heart twists when I remember how many men in the Borderlands rutted into me. I don’t say fucked. They don’t know the meaning of real fucking like the kings do. But I could never get pregnant when I was half a ghost. Does it matter in the Waste? Maybe it won’t ever happen to me.

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