Page 20 of The Surrender

The path veers to the right and gently slopes upward to another endless passage. My breath hitches, and it takes all my strength to prevent myself from lurching into a panicked sprint - desperate for light, for air beyond this fathomless tunnel of ice crystals.

I reach the border of another lair entryway when the light dims again. Sucking a deep inhale, I pop the last two seeds in my mouth, crack them, swallow them down...

As soon as the light sparks, I take the stone steps two at a time. Still slow, but I lengthen my strides, hoping to cross more distance.

On each side of me, more dumping grounds haunt my path. I wrinkle my nose from the stench of the bones. My body trembles from how many little caverns are on each side of me. Barely a wall of stone between each one. Am I just surrendering myself right into the jaws of whatever creature is responsible for the bones?

I shake off the perilous thoughts. I didn’t go through a dragon fucking me to a literal death and dying all over again when finding Drago’s heart in the Hag’s swamp to die at the teeth and claws of some bastard beast who eats baby flesh.

Shame darkens my insides. Gnaws on me when I consider how many sacrificed girls lost their lives to the monsters I adore. But I remember how they can’t control their hunger on Hollow Night. Or how the Borderlands chose the Sacrifice and not them. Or how Kronos is ultimately responsible. I grit my teeth at the last.

A deeper remorse fills me when I think of Qora. I lose myself to the memories of how she haunted my footsteps even before I learned to walk. The images settle like sharp rocks in my stomach, bleeding the lining. She grew up with me. It’s never mattered that she tried to kill me every year that she took shape. Not when she saved me before letting it get to that point. Not when she was the dark chill who soothed my body anytime my father forced me to take a blade to my skin. Or flogged me when I failed at my vym, or chewed too loudly at supper, or when he locked me in deep, dark places simply because he didn’t want to be reminded of me. She was always there.

Qora was always enough for me...until something better came along.

As the final tribulation light fades from my chest, I let the tears fall. The passage diverges in two shortly ahead of me. And the glow won’t last that long to give me a view of either direction. So, I press my back against the icy wall closest to me - careless over the icicles that tear at the feathery cloak and cut my skin.

I sink low to the rocky ground and bury my face in my hands.

“Why do I fucking miss you? Why should I miss you?” I hiss into the darkness swallowing me.

No, I could never hear her speak until we passed through the Veil of Souls and into the Waste. But I learned to love her hisses, sighs, and her shadowy breath on my skin. I still kissed her cheek even if I didn’t know whether she could feel it. I knew she sensed it. She sensed everything.

I can’t sense her anymore.

The irony. I chew on my inner cheek. Ever since I stabbed Drago, ever since I touched him, and ever since he fucked me, I’ve felt rawest and most alive than in my entire life. And now...I almost would go back to being numb if it meant she’d be with me. Almost. Just for a little while.

Swiping at my tears, I trade my grief and loss for righteous anger. It was not a mistake to leave her behind and go after my monsters. I simply traded one for four. My pulse quickens, and I shudder in vindication. Because she traded me to Kronos so he would give her a body. Even now, I can’t hate her for it, but I damn well reserve the right to be angry, to be hurt.

“I wish you were here...” I whisper.

“Wish who was-what the devil are you doing here?”

The unfamiliar voice triggers dread to rush up my spine. Not because it’s deep and cruel or screechy and demanding either. No, despite the tone, the voice has a melodic note, silky as a songbird...and a piercing tone. So deep that it jolts a chill to rival the icicles behind me. The emphasis on you because clearly, I am someone she knows, but I’m in the dark with a stranger.

Is she the one who eats babies and tosses away their bones?

15

They never got to fly.

QUINTESSA

“The ground collapsed...” I say, my voice hoarse from the cold air. My teeth chatter the more I try to speak. “I f-fell through the i-ice all the w-w-way d-down here. I’ve b-been w-w-wandering for h-hours.”

A snort splits the silence, followed by a huff. “Come on, then, and I’ll lead you out. I don’t have time for this.”

Hopeful, I start to rise while clutching the cape tighter around me. “Y-you kn-now the w-w-way?”

“Of course, I know the way. Why the devil would I not?”

“It’s j-just...s-so dark.” Sightless, I move toward the voice, toward whatever presence I may sense.

“Not for me,” she sniffs.

At least her body gives off more heat than I expected. But when my hands meet with feathers, I squeal and spring back.

“Enough of that now,” she lectures and grabs my arm, surprising me more with the undefinably human hand. “You do not belong here.”

---