Page 76 of What Comes After

It had been mere days since I’d left Theo’s place and returned to reality. Everything was even worse than I had expected it was going to be. Considering I’d pretty much been assuming the worst, that was saying something.

My rent was overdue, my credit card bills were beyond late, I’d received my enormous hospital bill, and several of my established clients had needed to move on and find a new cleaning lady. That was precisely what the phone call I’d just had was about. I’d been working through my list of clients over the last several days, and while I still had a handful of them left as loyal clients, others had decided to find someone else.

I understood it, considering how long I’d been out of commission. And given it was through most of the summer, when the majority of the clients who had children were home from school, it was even more understandable why they couldn’t wait for me to return.

To top it off, as though all of that hadn’t already been enough, I hadn’t spoken to Theo in days, not since the day he’d dropped me off here at my apartment. I’d conjured up a whole slew of reasons in my mind as to why that was.

Maybe seeing where I lived, having the real disparity between us become painfully obvious to him, set everything straight in his mind. Sure, he’d brought me here to pick up a few things while I was recovering at his house, but until I pointed it out, he might not have really thought about it. Now, he couldn’t avoid accepting that we were worlds apart.

Not seeing or hearing from him shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me, nor should it have upset me. This was how it had been. It was precisely the reason why I left his place when I did.

Because I knew this was going to happen.

Life had to go back to normal, so this made sense. He was likely already back in California, and he’d probably send me a text message in a few weeks of some incredible view.

Just like that, he’d be able to return to normal. And I guess I wanted that for him. I’d always wanted the very best for him.

But no matter how much I wanted him to have an incredible life, I couldn’t deny the hurt I felt over all of it. I couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t some small part of me that wished things would have been different.

Even if I knew I would never measure up to him or the women he was now surrounded by, it didn’t change that I longed for a life that was different than the one I had. Because although Theo was technically still my friend and would always be a part of my life, it never felt like enough.

Being without Theo like I wanted was always painful. It was feeling this constant ache in the center of my chest. It was knowing that no matter how hard I tried, nobody would ever come close to having as big a piece of my heart as Theo did.

Not even the death of my ex-boyfriend had affected me the way being without Theo affected me. I thought that said a lot about the love I felt for Theo.

Sadly, none of it mattered.

All that was said, all that had happened, and everything I’d felt over the last few weeks of being with him all the time hadn’t meant nearly as much to him as it did to me. I hadn’t wanted to play games with him or try to get him to do something he didn’t want to do, but I fully believed his response to me wanting to come home had all been for show.

Because if I’d meant more to him, if all that he’d made me feel when he did things like taking me out to the dinner show were purposeful, wouldn’t he have done something about us being apart now?

Wouldn’t he have wanted to change things?

His inaction proved to me that I’d been right to get myself out of that situation before I became even more lost to the feelings and love I had for him.

I’d been so caught up in all that was happening inside my head I hadn’t realized the tears began rolling down my cheeks. As soon as I noticed them, I didn’t try to fight them.

Instead, I buried my face in my hands and let them flow.

But somewhere in the middle of it all, a knock came at my door.

Great.

I hadn’t been expecting anybody, so considering my luck, it was probably a bill collector whose calls I’d been avoiding.

I made my way to the door, not even attempting to clean up my face. Maybe that would work to my advantage. Goodness knows that if it was the bill collector who’d already left me several messages, he probably wasn’t going to want to deal with me when I was emotional. Maybe that would be the silver lining of this whole situation.

I flung open the door and instantly regretted my decision.

Because it was not a bill collector.

Theo was standing in front of me, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Theo?” I rasped, my voice a mixture of surprise and the emotions I’d succumbed to only minutes earlier.

“You’ve been crying. Are you okay?”

I ignored his question, the softness and concern in his voice, and the worried look on his face. Instead of answering, I countered, “What are you doing here?”

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