Page 71 of What Comes After

“Why now?”

Okay, so I hadn’t been as prepared for this as I would have liked. While I wasn’t sure exactly how I expected Theo to respond to the news that I was ready to go home, this reaction certainly wasn’t anywhere close to what I had been anticipating.

There was a big part of me that believed he’d just accept it was time, since I’d gotten the clearance from the doctor to return to normal activities as I felt I could.

Believing that was the best reason I could give, I answered, “You told me you wanted me to stay here with you while I recuperated. I’ve done that, Theo. The doctor is very impressed with how well I’ve healed, and you’re a very big part of the reason I’ve managed to get to this point so quickly. But now that I’ve recovered, it’s time for me to go home.”

For several long moments, he simply stared at me, a look of disbelief marring his handsome face. “I don’t understand. You just got the clearance from the doctor less than an hour ago. You don’t have to run out of here right away.”

“I know. I appreciate that, but I’ve got to get back to reality,” I explained.

He jerked back like I’d physically struck him. “Reality?”

I ignored the way it made me feel to see him with such a look of hurt on his face and said, “Yes, Theo. Reality. I’ve got an apartment and work and bills. I can’t just pretend that none of that exists. Not all of us live the fancy life you do.”

Apparently, I’d landed another unintended blow. As soon as those words were out of my mouth and I saw the way he’d reacted to them, I’d regretted saying them. No matter how true they were, it was never my intention to hurt Theo. I’d never seek to hurt him.

“What does that mean?” Theo fired back.

The hurt I’d seen on his face was mixed with the anger I heard in his voice.

I swallowed hard. I needed to be kind to him, especially after all he’d done for me, but I also needed to be honest. “I’m sorry,” I rasped. “I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did.”

“You obviously feel some type of way about me.”

Shaking my head as my emotions bubbled to the surface, I parted my lips to respond. But it seemed that years of frustration over it all had built up, and everything came out a bit harsher than I had wanted when I insisted, “No. I just… I just meant that I don’t have the same luxuries that you do. I can’t do the things you do. I have to work. I have to pay my bills. My life hasn’t exactly afforded me the opportunities that yours has for you. Weeks ago, when you first brought me here, you asked me about culinary school and why I didn’t go. The truth is, I couldn’t afford it. I still can’t.”

Any of the anger he’d been holding onto instantly dissipated. Theo tipped his head to the side, his eyes roaming over my face. With his voice just a touch over a whisper, he asked, “Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

“I just did.”

He shook his head. “No. I mean, why wouldn’t you have told me that a long time ago? If you’re struggling, Devyn, I can help you.”

Is that what he thought I wanted? Of all the things I might have wanted from Theo, his money wasn’t one of them.

God, how mortifying was it to have to admit all that I just had to him? Worse yet, he believed the best thing to do was to offer to help me financially. Maybe he had good intentions, but he clearly hadn’t considered how it would make me feel.

Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t want your money,” I rasped. “That’s not why I said any of this to you. I’m just trying to get you to understand the reasons I need to go back to my apartment. We live in two very different worlds, Theo. I live in a world that requires me to go to work every day, to make money, and to pay bills. I struggle, yes. But I’m also capable of taking care of myself. I’ve done it since the day I lost my parents. I’ve made the tough decisions throughout my life that have made it so I can survive. I’m sure you’ll recall me selling the house I grew up in.”

“You said it was too much house. You said it was too painful to be there,” he argued.

“Yeah. On my own, that’s exactly what it was, and I had no choice,” I returned. “But that’s really not the point. Right now, I’ve got to get back to work, because I don’t live in a world where I can just buy a mansion for the heck of it. I can’t buy myself a house to recover in, let alone one for someone else to do that.”

Theo stared at me, dumbfounded. I could tell he was feeling a bevy of emotions over it all, but he couldn’t manage to bring himself to speak.

I took it upon myself to continue. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand where I’m coming from with this. It probably all seems silly and meaningless to you. All I’m asking you for right now is a bit of understanding. Our lives are so different, Theo, and I need to get back to living mine. Can you please give that to me?”

Hurt made its presence known in his features, and as awful as it made me feel, I was relieved when Theo rasped, “Yeah, Devyn. I can give that to you.”

With that, I gave him a nod of thanks and said, “I’ll only be upstairs a few minutes to get my things.”

He jerked his chin down slightly, but he made no move to speak.

I took that to mean the conversation was over, so I turned around and made my way toward the steps. As sure as I might have felt about this being what I needed to do, it didn’t make going through the process to make it happen any easier.

By the time I’d made it to the spare bedroom Theo had been allowing me to stay in, the first of my tears fell. I shed a few more as I packed up my things, and by some miracle, I’d managed to pull myself together before I descended the stairs again for him to take me home.

But once he’d dropped me off at my apartment, I no longer needed to hold myself back. I barely had the door shut behind me when I burst into tears.

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