Page 70 of What Comes After

If I didn’t, I knew I’d wind up losing him anyway. Maybe not immediately, maybe not even in the near future, but at some point, much sooner than I would have wanted, I’d eventually lose Theo.

And I wasn’t willing to risk that.

So, before I had the chance to get even more attached than I already was, I had to bring this all to an end now. It was already going to be difficult as it was, so there was no question if I allowed this to continue for any length of time beyond today, I wouldn’t be doing myself any favors.

It nearly killed me when he left me twelve years ago. I’d never survive losing him a second time. I’d never get over it.

My body had healed from a beating that had me fighting for my life, and I knew that didn’t come close to how it would be if I fooled myself into believing I suddenly would have Theo forever.

I’d never recover.

Because I loved him. I did then, and I did now. And somehow, over the years, I’d accepted where we stood. I’d recognized that we lived very different lives and would only ever be friends.

Continuing to stay with him, continuing to sleep in a bed that was only a matter of feet away from the entrance to his bedroom, would be akin to torture.

And with the way he’d been lately, I was finding it harder and harder to prevent myself from falling harder for him. Every night, I’d lie awake in that bed feeling nothing but longing for a man I’d never have.

Caring for me the way he had, taking me out to do something fun, telling me I looked great all dressed up, and giving us the time together that we’d had these last few weeks had me feeling the way I felt years ago. It was like I’d gotten back bits and pieces of the boy who’d stolen my heart so many years ago.

And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Theo had changed from being who he was deep down inside—I was grateful the life in the spotlight hadn’t taken that away—the man he was now deserved someone who was on his level.

So, I needed to let him go.

Fortunately, I was going to be able to make that happen sooner rather than later, because the doctor’s office wasn’t terribly far away from Theo’s house.

After the short drive back to his place, we walked inside, and I decided to get right to it.

“I’ll be quick,” I declared.

“Quick? What are you talking about?” he asked.

In some small part of my mind, probably the one that had been loving living in this fantasy for the last several weeks, I had been hoping Theo would just know what I’d been referencing. I’d have loved it if he’d been expecting what was going to happen next.

There was the other part of my mind that knew I never actually believed that would be the case. For some strange reason, Theo seemed completely content with me being at his place. He didn’t do anything, not even once, to make me feel like I’d been inconveniencing him and needed to get out.

I stopped walking away toward the stairs, which I’d intended to climb, so I could run to the bedroom I’d been staying in to pack up the things I’d brought from my place when Theo had taken me over there to get them.

As he eyed me curiously, I said, “I was just going to go pack up my things.”

A crease formed between his brows. “What?”

“I have a few things upstairs that I brought over from my apartment, and I just need to pack them up. There’s not a lot, so it shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes. Then we can leave.”

Despite the explanation, even if he knew exactly where this conversation was heading, Theo still asked, “Leave to go where?”

“Home.”

He looked around the room before bringing his eyes back to mine. “I’m a little lost.”

He wasn’t.

I knew he wasn’t.

“Theo, I have to go back home to my apartment,” I said softly. I was hoping the sound of my hushed voice might lead him to taking it easy on me. And while I didn’t necessarily think Theo would ever do anything to intentionally make me uncomfortable, there was no question this conversation wasn’t an easy one to have, regardless of our intentions.

“But you’re not saying you need to go back to pick something up. You’re talking about packing your things and leaving,” he returned.

I nodded slowly and confirmed, “Yes.”

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