Page 71 of Fabulous Filthy Friend

“Well, if your date never shows, you always have your second date with Dan lined up.” The words sting a little bit coming out. “So…”

She nods and sucks down some of her drink. “Dan’s really nice, but—”

There is a but.

I thought there was one coming the other night, yet she agreed to the second date. Her but makes me pause with my glass halfway to my mouth. “But what? You don’t want to go out with him again?”

She offers a non-committal shrug.

I turn on my stool to face her. “Uh, oh. I know that look.” And frankly, now that I see it written all over her, I’m surprised she didn’t say anything after their first date when I asked her about it. “No chemistry there?”

Her eyes flick up to meet mine. “I’m sorry. I know he’s your friend, and I really did have a good time when we went out. But there just wasn’t enough there for me to really feel a driving need to see him again.”

“Then why did you say yes when he asked for a second date?”

She considers my question for a minute and twirls her martini glass on the bar top. “I was trying to give it another chance. You were so sure we would hit it off, and you were right. We did. But there’s a huge difference between having things in common and getting along well, and being with someone romantically.”

Ouch.

This woman couldn’t have hurt me more if she had actually driven a stake through my heart. I know she’s talking about Dan, but that felt pointed and directed straight at me.

We need to stop talking about this before I completely lose my shit in front of her. I down another gulp of my beer and swallow thickly to remove the lump her words formed in my throat. “Do you have any big plans tomorrow?”

She shakes her head and turns back to look at the door again. “Not really, you?”

I nod. “Church with Mom. Coffee after again.”

A laugh bubbles from her lips, and the sound goes straight to my dick despite the fact I’m here to meet another woman. “You’re such a mama’s boy.”

I laugh and nod because she’s right; I totally am. I’d do anything for that woman. I do do everything for her, and I will continue to until the day I die. It’s the least I can do for the woman who raised me. “I guess I am.”

She twists the glass in her hand, her brow furrowing as if she’s deep in contemplation over something. “You ever think about what it would be like just to say fuck it and stop being a good guy. Stop worrying about what your mom would think. Stop worrying about what’s right and what’s wrong and just start doing what feels good.”

I practically choke on my beer.

Where the hell did this come from?

It’s about as far from how Rachel thinks as possible.

I take another sip of beer and wipe the condensation off the side of the glass with my thumb. “Sure, doesn’t everyone think about that at some point in time? Just letting go of everything, of society’s strict standards and requirements of what’s expected of us. But wanting to do it and doing it are two different things.”

Of course, I’d love not to have to hide HRD4U or what I want. It would be so much easier to tell Rach and the rest of the world the truth if I didn’t care what anyone thought about me. But how I view the world and the people in it has been shaped so much by my conservative upbringing that I’m not sure I can ever come out and say what’s really going on in my life—with HRD4U or my feelings for Rachel—without feeling like I’m standing naked in front of my middle school class being laughed at and ridiculed…and judged.

She nods, the disappointment clear in her soft green eyes. “That’s very true. Sad, though, isn’t it?”

I nod because I couldn’t agree more. If it were really possible to let go completely, I wouldn’t have to hide HRD4U from anyone, especially her. “Definitely.” I check my watch again. Almost 6:30. “I think we’ve been stood up.”

She holds her drink up to me. “To being stood up in good company.”

“To being stood up in the best company.” I clink my glass against hers and down the rest of my beer. “Bartender, keep them coming. We’re going to need them tonight.”

17

FLYNN

Another Saturday night coming home drunk and alone. I should be used to it by now. It should be routine. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I never thought INEEDSOMED would stand me up.

Yeah, it’s kind of an awkward situation for everyone—to meet up with someone you masturbated with online—but she seemed so cool, so laidback. So interested. I don’t know why she wouldn’t at least tell me she wasn’t coming. Then I wouldn’t have sat there like an idiot. And I wouldn’t have ended up spending the whole night with Rachel.

---