Page 4 of Fabulous Filthy Friend

But I don’t.

At least, not when I’m HRD4U. When I’m Flynn, when I log off the site, when the real world encroaches on the persona I’ve created, that’s when things get a lot more complicated for me.

Which is why I’ll stay like this a few more minutes. Until the evidence of what I just did chills. I’ll remind myself of why what I’m doing is okay.

It’s a bodily function, something we’ve all done. And for me, it’s a way to make up for the money I lost in the market crash. It’s just a part of life. So is suffering with the knowledge that I’ll never have Rachel as my own.

They’re realities I have to do and learn to live with. But things could be worse. I could still be struggling to pay my mortgage, and Rach could have moved in to some other house all those years ago instead of twenty feet away from my front door in Redondo Beach.

Having her so close might be torture, but losing her would be worse.

Such is my daily agony.

One I’ll start all over again tomorrow.

* * *

RACHEL

My phone buzzes on the nightstand, drawing my attention away from the display on my computer screen. The very graphic, very hot display from the very interesting website I just discovered while scouring the internet for some good material…and immediately subscribed to.

Who could be calling at this hour?

I reach over, check it, and accept the call because if I don’t she’s liable to run across the street to make sure I didn’t fall down the stairs and break my neck. “Hey, what’s up?”

Such crappy timing…right when I discovered HRD4U.com and had a mind-blowing orgasm while watching him work himself over.

Alicia fumbles her phone slightly. “Nothing, what are you doing?”

My eyes drift over to my screen, and I tug the comforter up and over me. “Nothing.”

At least, nothing I’m going to admit to.

What I do in the privacy of my bedroom isn’t any of Alicia’s business, even though she thinks it is and I usually end up telling her about it, anyway.

That’s the problem with best friends; they tend to know everything about you, whether you want them to or not. There’s only one thing I’ve managed to keep secret from Alicia and Flynn, and it’s not something I plan on revealing—ever.

Something crashes in the background behind Alicia, and she covers the phone. Muffled yelling—probably at Cade—follows, but she returns with an exasperated sigh. “Are you still wallowing?”

I scoff and roll my eyes, even though she can’t see me. “I was never wallowing.”

Lie.

She snickers, and Cade says something to her in the background, only the lilt of his Australian accent discernable. “Bullshit. At lunch today, you barely ate two bites, and you looked like you hadn’t slept in days. He’s not worth it. That dude was never going to be your happily ever after, and you knew it deep down. It was only two months. It’s not like you were with the guy for two years.”

“I know.” Two months is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and I shouldn’t be so distressed by the breakup. But logically shouldn’t be doesn’t mean I’m actually not. “It still sucks, though.”

Alicia offers a sympathetic sound. “Yeah, it does. Breakups always suck. But Cade agrees with me—you need to move on and not think about that d-bag. I assume you’ve been wallowing all day after I tried to cheer you up with nachos and beer?”

Dammit.

She knows me too well. And I hate that. But the truth is, I would have wallowed all day had I not called Flynn and asked him to come keep me company.

“No. Flynn came over when I got home from lunch.”

Alicia releases a deep, exaggerated sigh, and I can picture her rolling her big blue eyes at me. “Of course, he did.”

I clench my jaw and push myself up until I’m sitting against the headboard. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

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