Page 46 of Fabulous Filthy Friend

She waggles her eyebrows. “So…how was the date last night? You must’ve been out pretty late because this is sleeping in, even for you.”

I play with my mug. “Yeah, I didn’t get home until almost one.”

Her eyebrows rise. “Wow. That’s the latest you’ve been out with anyone in a long time.” She grins. “So, Flynn’s friend wasn’t a total dud?”

Laughter bubbles up in my throat, and I take another drink to give myself time to figure out how to answer that. “Definitely not a dud. He was actually pretty great. Like Flynn told me, he divorced his high school sweetheart over a year ago, but they’re still on good terms and see each other because they share custody of their dog.”

She drops her head back and booms out a laugh. “They share custody of a dog?”

I grin and nod. “It was actually rather adorable the way he talked about Simon, their German Shepherd.”

“Gosh, could you imagine if Cade and I ever separated? The kids would be fine, but poor Prince would be a mess.”

Our shared laughter fills the room. That poor dog is such a hassle, but the stories alone make keeping him around worth it.

Alicia sighs and shifts. “So, it wasn’t weird dating a divorced guy?”

“Not really. The split was amicable, and other than the sharing custody of the dog thing, it seems like they both moved on. They haven’t had any issues. He doesn’t seem to have any baggage from that relationship.”

“Well, that’s good. Other than that, how was he?”

“Handsome. Intelligent. Funny. All the same things anyone could ever want in a date, but…”

“But?”

It just wasn’t there!

“I don’t know.” I shrug and take another sip of my latte while contemplating the best way to explain it without telling her I came home after the date and immediately logged on to watch HRD4U.

Alicia frowns. “There was no spark?”

I shake my head. “No, actually, there was definitely a spark. It’s more like there was a spark but no flame…”

She considers my response for a minute and then shakes her head. “Honey, you can’t expect there to be a flame on the first date. You barely know the guy.”

I glance over at her. “This from the woman who met her husband when he came into her office as a client and basically stalked her.”

Her jaw drops in mock indignation. “Ouch. Totally true, but ouch.” She shifts to face me and cradles her mug in her hands. “So, maybe don’t use me as your guide here, since my story probably ends badly for anyone else, but my point is still valid. A spark is a good start. A spark can start a flame. Sometimes you need to get to know someone better before things fall into place and you fall in love.”

Fall in love.

I probably wouldn’t even recognize it if I were in love. It’s nothing I’ve ever experienced. Attraction—sure. Lust—yes. Really, really liking someone—absolutely. But love? The all-consuming, need them to breathe kind of thing that Alicia and Cade share—I can’t say that’s anything I’ve ever had in my life.

Though it’s probably the single thing that I’ve wanted most.

Maybe because I never saw it with Mom and Dad, and once Mom was gone, I needed something to cling to. Or I could just be a desperate, hopeless romantic.

I squeeze my hands around my mug until my fingers whiten. “What if I can’t find love? What if I’m not meant for it?”

She throws her hand into the air. “Well, you’ll have great sex for a while, or in your case, mediocre sex…”

I chuckle. She has no idea the true extent of how unfulfilling my sex life has been. I can’t even tell Alicia the truth about what I really want. All she knows is I haven’t been getting it. And if she knew I have been fulfilling my fantasies lately by watching some random stud perform on the internet, I’d never hear the end of it.

“I hope I don’t have mediocre sex for the rest of my life.”

“So, go on another date with Dan, the guy you have a spark with, and maybe it will become a raging inferno of lust that will spill into the bedroom and wake up your dusty, yawning lady parts.”

I almost choke on my coffee and sputter. “Jesus, you can’t say stuff like that.”

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